Chapter 39

 

Part 9

 

March 28, 2003

 

Simon found Hallie just where he thought she’d be, sitting on the edge of the fountain, her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.  The barest hint of rose was peeking over the horizon but it was still well before dawn.

 

But sunrise always comes, right? he thought, forcing a spark of optimism into his musing to push away the regret of not watching the magnificent sunrise from his rooftop with his fiancée.

 

He made his way to her, his hard-soled shoes on the bricked pavement echoing across the terrace.  She jerked her head up and he halted, still several yards away, holding his palms out in a gesture of peace and stillness, not wanting her to flee from him.

 

“Please go away,” she mumbled as she lowered her head, her dark locks falling to veil her tear-streaked face.

 

“I’m not leaving you in the park alone when it’s still dark out.”

 

He moved closer.  She didn’t react so he closed the gap between them and sat down on the edge of the fountain with her, leaving about a foot of space between them.  Close enough that he could touch her—though he didn’t—if he wanted to—which he desperately did.

 

“I’ll just sit here with you until it’s light out,” he murmured.  “Then I can get you a cab to Di’s.  Or you can come back to the apartment and change before you go.  You’re not exactly dressed for the occasion.”

 

“What occasion?  Crying in the park in the middle of the night?”  She turned her head.  “And you are dressed appropriately?”

 

He smoothed his palms down the front of his jacket.  “I always wear a tuxedo to the park,” he said solemnly, though one corner of his mouth quirked up in a grin before he could stop it.

 

She didn’t smile.  In fact, the expression on her face was so miserable it almost broke his heart.

 

“Hallie, if this has anything to do with that French—with Julian…” he amended, though he wanted to call him something much worse.

 

She shook her head but he didn’t believe her.

 

“That jerk may have ruined you for marriage, but I won’t let him ruin us.”  He stood and fished in his pocket for the box he hadn’t even had a chance to present to her.  “We don’t have to get married, Hallie.  We can just keep going on like we have been.  If the idea of marriage again scares you, screw it.  We won’t get married.”

 

He drew his arm back and without looking, threw the ring away.  A soft kerplop told him it had landed somewhere on the other side of the fountain.

 

He sat down again, closer this time, longing to draw her into his arms but still scared it was something he had done to hurt her.  This wasn’t as simple as Hallie being afraid of marriage or hurt by a past love.  This was something much deeper and more painful.  He knew because he could feel her pain in his own heart.

 

Scarcely realizing he was speaking out loud, he murmured, “I know what I did to hurt you last time.  But I swear I don’t have any idea what I said or did that hurt you so badly tonight, Hallie.  Please talk to me.  Please tell me what I can do to make this right.”

 

Hallie pulled the bottom of the sweatshirt she was wearing up to her face and blotted her tears.  It hardly seemed to do any good because when she looked at him, her eyes were brimming with tears once again.

 

“You didn’t do anything,” she said.  “It’s me.  I’m not what you want.”

 

He was so stunned he couldn’t speak for several seconds.  But when he found his voice, he offered her the only possible reply.

 

“You’re everything I want, Hallie.”

 

He had always loved the comfortable silence that could rest between the two of them.  They could pass an evening in bed simply staring into one another’s eyes, speaking without words.  Or sit on opposite ends of the couch, each lost in a book, their hands on the middle cushion, touching but not holding, retreating periodically to turn a page, then returning to rest again, hand against hand.  Even now he felt at ease, not needing to force action like he normally would but merely waiting for her to speak.

 

And finally she did.

 

“I can’t have children.”

 

Simon frowned.  “What?”

 

She didn’t repeat herself and he was left to figure it out for himself.  He had noticed that Hallie seemed more reserved around children—her cousins’ boys, his nieces and nephews.  She was a teacher; he hadn’t considered that she didn’t like children.  Did she just not want children of her own?  Was this why Julian had divorced her?  Because she wouldn’t provide him with a family?

 

Or was it that she couldn’t?

 

His mind returned to the scar on her abdomen.  He had brought it up the first time they slept together but had never really thought about it since.  It was thin and pale, barely noticeable.  Fibroid tumors, she had told him.  Was that true?  Or was it something else?

 

“Hallie?”

 

She was speaking almost before he got the question out.

 

“I had a hysterectomy.  A little over five years ago.”

 

“Why?”

 

He saw her face pucker up as she tried unsuccessfully to stop the fresh onslaught of tears.  She stared straight ahead, not looking at him.  Her voice was choked and her words halting when she answered.  “I had fibroid tumors.  I didn’t lie about that.  I just didn’t tell you the whole truth.  I was pregnant at the time.  I had a miscarriage right at the end of my first trimester.  There were complications.  Bleeding or something.  I don’t really remember the specifics.  They took my uterus and one of my ovaries.  In order to save my life, they said.”

 

She caught her lower lip between her teeth but no longer made any attempt to stop the tears, which coursed down her cheeks as if the bronze angel behind them was raining tears from heaven upon her face.

 

“I wasn’t even 20 years old.  They saved my life but wiped out my entire future.”

 

He couldn’t stay quiet any longer.  Now was the time for him to take action.  He reached out and gently took a hold of her arm.

 

“Hallie, that’s not true.”

 

She turned to face him, a look of sheer disbelief on her face.  “Of course it is.  Why would you want to marry me, now that you know?”

 

“Why would I—?”  Once again he was struck dumb and could only stare at her, mirroring her disbelief on his own face, he was sure.

 

“All Julian cared about was the baby, his son.  And when he was gone...”  She choked out another miserable sob.  Bit by bit the entire story came out, every moment of her brief and tragic European love story, from the day she first met Julian to the day she walked away from her marriage, a period of just less than a year.  It had ended badly, she didn’t love him anymore, he had betrayed her, treated her poorly, but none of that eased the pain of her broken heart.

 

Simon’s jaw tensed as he tried to hold back the foul language.

 

“I’m sorry,” she continued.  “I should’ve told you all this a long time ago.  I just didn’t … I never expected…”

 

She stopped, drew her shoulders back, and took a couple of halting breaths.  She closed her eyes and shook her head as if she couldn’t understand herself what was going through her mind.

 

“Julian swept me off my feet.  He lavished gifts on me, attention I was so desperately craving from my distant family.  I really think I loved him,” she said.  “And I didn’t want to fall in love like that again and I think I got involved with you because I didn’t figure it would last.  I never expected to fall in love with you.  And when I did, I was scared.  Was I being blind to your faults, like I was with Julian?  Was I thinking only with my heart and not my head?  Maybe love shouldn’t be like that but I just don’t know how I can trust myself again after what happened with Julian.”

 

To hell with it.  He was using the bad words.

 

“Son-of-a-bitch,” he muttered through clenched teeth.

 

“If I had been honest with you from the start maybe you would’ve understood why I kept holding back.”  She weakly lifted one shoulder.  “Maybe not.  It doesn’t make much sense to me, but I can’t help the way I feel.  Everything with us was so fast, just like it was with Julian.  I lost myself with Julian, let him exert his will over me in every way.  I was just starting to get myself back when you and I … well, I guess I was afraid of losing myself again.  You have a very commanding personality, you know.”  She tried to smile, failed complete.  “I couldn’t resist.  I was lost in you and I couldn’t see the difference between losing myself to Julian and losing myself in your heart.”

 

He smiled softly at her.  He felt exactly the same way.  His heart was hers.  Nothing had changed that this tumultuous morning.

 

“And when you cheated on me and then tried to get back together with me, I was scared I was letting you walk all over me, the way Julian walked all over me.  How could I be sure you wouldn’t hurt me again?  Or that you wouldn’t reject me when you knew the truth?  Or that I wouldn’t disappoint you or fail you like I disappointed and failed Julian?”

 

“Hallie, whatever does or doesn’t happen with us, you need to believe, really believe, that nothing was your fault.  You didn’t fail Julian and you haven’t failed me.  You were so young to have to go through that alone, without your family. Something really crappy happened to you, but it wasn’t your fault and it doesn’t make you less of a woman or less worthy of love.  And I promise you it doesn’t make any difference to me.”

 

“But you love children.   You adore your nieces and nephews,” she said, shaking her head sadly at what seemed inevitable to her.  “And Matthew and Will, I’ve seen you with them.  You told me this morning that you imagined us having children, watching them grow up, taking the grandkids to Disney World.  You love children, Simon.”

 

“Yes, I do,” he said plainly.  “But I love you more.”

 

She shook her head again and he was astounded that she didn’t believe him.

 

“Hallie, if having children was a deal-breaker, don’t you think I would’ve discussed it with you before we got to this point?”  Cautiously putting one arm around her shoulders, he said earnestly, “I am so sorry this happened to you.  And I’m sorry keeping this secret from me had you so tied up in knots all this time.  But if you want kids, we’ll make it happen.  If you want to try and find a surrogate to carry our child, we can do that.  We can adopt kids, we can foster kids, we can buy kids off the black market.  Hell, in a few hours this park will be crawling with the little rugrats.  We can take one of them.”

 

She looked shocked but she managed a noise that bore a faint resemblance to laughter.

 

“Or if all that is too much trouble or too painful for you, we don’t have to do any of it.  We can have no kids.  I’m okay with that, too.”  He made a face of mock derision and added, “I don’t love you for your non-existent uterus or your pitiful little one ovary.  You know I’m in this exclusively for the sex.”

 

And now she smacked him, though he could see a twinkle of amusement in her midnight eyes.

 

Putting on a serious face so she’d know he was being sincere, he concluded, “The point is, we can have ten kids or one kid or no kids.  I’m okay with whatever it is you want to do or not do.”

 

Her face, so full of longing, made his heart ache.  Please believe me, Hallie, he pleaded with his eyes.

 

Aloud, he said, “The only thing I’m not okay with is waking up tomorrow morning without you.”

 

Her face crumpled and with a strangled sob, she fell into his arms.  He held her close, burying his face in her thick, dark hair and murmuring, “I love you, Hallie.  I love you.”

 

After a minute, she pulled away and looked him right in the eye and they shared another moment of a most comfortable silence.

 

As the quiet settled around them like a security blanket, she whispered, “Yes.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”

 

A sly grin slid across his face.  “You do realize that, technically, I haven’t asked you yet?  You ran out before I could even get down on one knee.”  He took a glance over his shoulder, winced, and added, “And technically ... your engagement ring is in the fountain ... the icy ... cold ... water of the fountain.”

 

Hallie bit back laughter.  She tilted her head, raised her eyebrows, and gave him a level stare.

 

“What?” he asked.  “You want me to go get it now?  In the dark and the cold?”

 

Affecting a haughty air, she replied, “Do you want to marry me or not?”

 

“You’re evil, Hallie Belden.”  He leaned toward her and stole a kiss.  “That’s part of why I love you so much.”

 

“Go get my ring,” she demanded, the affection in her eyes belying her stern tone.

 

“I just need one thing first.”

 

“I already told you I’m going to say yes.”

“Not that.  I want to hear you say that you love me.”

 

This time it was she who leaned forward, but she didn’t have to steal a kiss because he gave it to her willingly, with all his heart and soul. 

 

With her lips against his, he could feel the love, the hope, the trust she was giving him, completely.  And maybe he hadn’t really noticed it before, the holding back, but now there was no doubt, could be no doubt.  She was his and he was hers.

 

When they finally broke apart, she whispered, “I love you, Simon Drake.  I will always love you.”

Immediately, he sprang to his feet.  “That’s all I needed to hear.”  He tugged off his shoes and handed them to her.  “Hold onto these for me.  They cost a fortune.”

 

He took a deep breath, though he wouldn’t be “plunging” into more than a foot or two of water, and lifted one leg over the edge of the fountain and into the water.

“Ah, ah, AH!” he groaned.  “Yeah, it’s pretty frickin’ cold!”

 

He drew the other leg in and gave Hallie the evil eye.  “You couldn’t have been born in the summer like the rest of the Bob-Whites?”

 

“Dan’s birthday is in April.”

 

“Late April,” he countered.

 

“Trixie’s birthday is in May.”

 

He didn’t reply but shot her another dark glance, his heart pattering rapidly to see the delight in her eyes.  He began moving across the fountain, feeling along the bottom with his toes.

 

“And Brian’s birthday is in October,” she called after him.

 

“I bet this fountain is warmer in October than it is right now,” he muttered.

 

“And technically I’m not a Bob-White.”

“Shaddaaap.”

 

Hallie chuckled.  Her throaty laughter warmed his quickly freezing toes and made his heart swell with anticipation.  He had to find that damn ring.  Now.

 

Just as he thought it, his foot struck something underneath the murky water and, without stopping to investigate, he crouched down and thrust his arms into the frigid water, splashing it around his torso.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Did you find it?” Hallie asked.

 

“Yes, that’s why I cursed,” he growled back.  “No, I didn’t find it.  It’s a drain pipe or something.”

He straightened back up, much wetter and much colder than he had been just seconds ago.

 

“It could be one of the pipes that sprays the water.  You’re lucky it’s too early in the year for the fountain to be running overnight.”

 

“Well, aren’t you the Pollyanna?” he grumbled.

 

She pressed her lips together to hold back the laughter.  He turned away so she wouldn’t see him smiling.

 

“Did you happen to see where it went when I threw it?” he asked.

 

“Over on the other side somewhere?”

 

“Great.  Just think, if I hadn’t been cut from the football team in high school I could’ve practiced my passing.  Maybe that ring would’ve landed outside the fountain if I could throw better.”

 

“Or maybe you would’ve thrown it too well and it would’ve gone into the lake,” Hallie replied.

 

“Listen, Miss Silver Lining, why don’t you keep your sunny-side-up observations to yourself?  My toes might have to be amputated after tonight—and I don’t want to hear any comments about how it’s a good thing I operate with my fingers and not my toes!”

 

As he shuffled forward, his foot struck something.  He stopped, felt around with his frozen toes, and grinned in triumph.  “Ah-ha!” he proclaimed.

 

“Did you find it?”

 

“I certainly did.”

 

“Are you sure it’s not another drain pipe?” Hallie teased.

 

“No, smarty.  I can move it.”

 

“Well, make sure it’s not a body part or something.  This is New York, after all.”

 

“Har-har,” he responded, but he did take a moment to feel around the edge of the submerged object.  Just to make sure.  “No, it’s the right size and the right shape.  It’s a jewelry box, all right.”

 

He thrust his arm into the water and rescued the ring.  Standing up, he turned and sloshed his way back to Hallie, feeling amazingly warm and contented despite the fact that he was drenched in icy water.  He halted when he reached her side.

 

What the hell?  I’m already soaking wet from head to toe, he thought and dropped to one knee without getting out of the fountain, flashing an impish grin her way.

 

“I am the anti-Julian!" he proclaimed, his deep voice resonating across the empty terrace.  "He may have put his family first, but I will put you first.  You are my family.  In fact, I think my family prefers you to me.  Julian swept you off your feet and lavished you with gifts and attention, but I’ll ... I'll make you walk and lavish gifts on myself and ignore you.”

 

She made a face and reached out to smack him, but he grabbed her hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze.  He took a few seconds to compose himself, stroking the back of her hand and her long, delicate fingers, focusing on the solemnity of this great and perfect moment.

 

“This is you and me.  This is real.  I love you and I will love you more than you’ve ever been loved before or ever will be loved again.”  Speaking slowly and deliberately, he continued.  “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife.  I want to give you the happily ever after you deserve.  Hallie Belden, will you marry me?”

 

She sighed softly, the whispered caress as satisfying as any kiss.  Her serene expression was mirrored in the face of the angel that towered over them.  And the two of them—Simon and the Angel of the Waters—waited in peace for Hallie’s answer.

 

“I’ll have to think about it.”

 

“You’ll have to—?”  He saw the merriment in her blackberry eyes and with a good-humored snarl, he tugged on her arm, pulling her into the fountain with him.

 

She shrieked as the cold water made contact with her body, laughing as she struggled to find her footing, splashing the freezing water around and getting him even wetter, if that was possible.  By the time she got to her knees, she was as wet as he was.

He pulled her close up against his chest to still her struggle and growled playfully, “Say yes.”

 

“Yes,” she responded immediately.  Her eyes and smile were bright, her laughter bubbling from her as if the fountain was actually running this chilly morning.  Her teeth chattered in the cold, as she responded earnestly, “Yes, I will marry you, Simon Drake.”

 

“Give me your hand.”

 

She held it out obediently and he opened the slightly soggy jewelry box, pulling out a diamond and garnet engagement ring and holding it up for her approval, which he assumed he got, judging by the bright-eyed look of pure joy she gave him.

 

He slid the ring onto her finger and held on, pulling her to him again and sealing the engagement with a lingering kiss as the morning finally dawned.

 

The sunrise did come, after all.  And it was indeed magnificent.

 

 

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Author's Notes

Part 9 (3,509 words)
Total for Chapter 39 (not including chapterettes): 49,133 words

Well, they made it.  It took a long time to get here.  I had a good chunk of this scene written long before the rest of the story started to unfold in my head and on my computer.  The entire story basically revolved around Simon's, "The only thing I'm not okay with is waking up tomorrow morning without you."  And it always feels good to remember that when I'm struggling with the next story down the timeline...

Ah, so you want to see the ring?  They always want to see the ring...  The ring.

And just in case anybody was ... curious, Easter actually fell on April 20 in 2003.  Just in case you wanted to know. (wink)

Story header photo/title is from Istock.com and was created by Mary N (Dianafan) to look just so gorgeous I could cry!  Thank you Mary!  The photo is of the Bethesda Fountain in Central Park.  Vine section divider is from Webweaver.