September 9, 2002

The mail was delivered to a row of boxes at the end of Wheeler Way, the dead end road where half a dozen small homes for the Winthrop teachers, as well as Mart and Sally’s larger farmhouse, were located.

When the weather was temperate, and sometimes even when it wasn’t, Hallie preferred to walk to and from work across the school grounds. This meant missing her mail sometimes, but usually Mart or Sally picked up hers when they retrieved their own mail and dropped it off for her.

In the modern age when personal communications were most often handled by cell phone or email, her small stack of mail usually consisted of bills and junk, with the occasional magazine or catalog thrown in to keep things interesting. She went through the mail once or twice a week but didn’t consider examining the contents of her mailbox as a crucial task in her day.

This sunny Monday morning she was using the pile of mail as a distraction. While the small town of Indian Lake was celebrating Founder’s Day on Main Street, she was still feeling jittery and unbalanced from Sunday and was debating whether or not she was going to go downtown at all.

Hallie wasn’t much of a churchgoer, though she believed in God. Her parents had taken her and her brothers to church when they were young but it was more for them to socialize than out of any desire to instill Christian goodness in their children. When she was in Sleepyside or New York she sometimes went to a Catholic mass with Diana. The pageantry was something she enjoyed though she never truly felt comfortable there. She preferred to worship at home, alone with her thoughts, or outside where she felt closest to God, amidst His creation.

And, on occasion, she tagged along with Mart and Sally when they attended Sunday services at the Lutheran church the Drakes had attended since they first came to Indian Lake.

She hadn’t thought anything of being invited yesterday. Mart and Sally asked her almost every week. Sometimes she said yes and sometimes she politely declined. It wasn’t until later that she recalled that Sally’s always cheerful countenance seemed almost forcibly subdued when she asked Hallie if she would like to join her and Mart. She had looked like Trixie or Mart when they were trying to withhold a secret.

She should have known.

They slid into their usual pew ten minutes before the service started. Actually, about nine and a half minutes before the service started, since Sally and Mart argued first in soft undertones about who was going to sit where.

That should’ve been her second clue.

Finally, Sally urged Mart into the pew first. She followed, leaving Hallie sitting on the end. Approximately a minute before the service began—exactly twenty seconds, by her count—Simon slid in beside her. He smiled and nodded a courteous good morning and before Hallie could say a word, though she wasn’t entirely sure she would’ve protested, the organist started the processional hymn and the service began.

The church was a small one and she and Simon shared the hymnal throughout the service. He held his half of the book gingerly, as if making it clear that he wasn’t using the opportunity to touch her hand. He also didn’t hug her or kiss her on the cheek when they passed the peace, like he did to his sister, mother, and grandmother.

It almost made her more uncomfortable than if he had. She wished he’d just act normally around her.

She was invited to brunch with the Drakes but feigned a headache and asked Mart if he would take her home before he joined his future in-laws. And that had been the end of it.

She hadn’t avoided Simon because she was angry with him. Yes, if she thought about his unfaithfulness, it still upset her. But she tried not to think about it very often and as time went on, the hurt lessened.

No, she was avoiding Simon because it was difficult to be around him. He must have felt the same way. When Mart drove her home after church he mentioned that Simon had arrived in Indian Lake late Friday night. He hadn’t tried to contact her or make any attempt to see her, even though they had agreed to be friends and not make their family and friends uncomfortable.

And yet, he had seemingly conspired with his sister in order to get Hallie to church and be able to sit next to her.

Instead of making their family uncomfortable, they were making each other uncomfortable.

Or was it only she who felt that way?

“UST,” Diana had proclaimed when she had called her Sunday night, and then proceeded to give her a long lecture on men who were players and why they should be avoided.

But how could the tension between them be sexual? Much less unresolved? They had broken up. It was over. There was nothing unresolved. Certainly not the sex. They had resolved those feelings many times over. Many, many times.

“Don’t you think people can change?” Hallie had asked hesitantly.

“Yes, but you can’t change him, Hal.”

Hallie shook her head and returned her focus to her small pile of mail. She knew Diana was right. If Simon were to change, it would be because he wanted to change. And since he had come to Indian Lake without letting her know, he must not want her as badly as he had once claimed to. Maybe he had even found somebody else and just didn’t have the guts to tell her.

Then why was she avoiding the Main Street fair? Was it because she was afraid of running into him? Or was she afraid of the acute disappointment she’d feel if she didn’t run into him or saw him with another woman? What if he had already returned to New York and hadn’t said goodbye any more than he had told her he was coming?

She set aside a couple of mail order catalogs. Christmas would be here before she knew it and she had four nieces and a nephew that she adored buying gifts for. She sorted the cell phone bill and the credit card bills into a separate pile and threw the junk mail into the wastebasket in the corner.

And then she saw it.

It was a plain white envelope with her address handwritten on the front. Handwritten in a flawless, un-physician-like script she recognized immediately.

She stared at her name. Miss Hallie Belden. Miss. So formal. She knew she was going to read it and quickly decided that this internal argument with herself was silly. She flipped the envelope over and slid her fingernail underneath the flap, tearing it open and pulling out the folded sheet of paper inside.

Dear Hallie,

I’m on a train heading north right now and I’ll be arriving in Indian Lake late tonight. Too late for casual company, I’m sure, but I plan to drop this letter off for you on my way to my parents’ house, in the hopes that I might persuade you to spend a little time with me this weekend. Just as friends, of course.

Hallie frowned and picked up the envelope, turning it back over and noting the lack of a stamp or a postmark. She hadn’t picked up her mail Saturday. When Mart drove her home from church, she had asked him to stop so she could retrieve it. But she had been so upset she had simply tossed the pile of letters onto the dining room table for a later time.

I’d like to come by and see you, but the last time I was at your house was not a pleasant visit for either of us. Maybe we can find some neutral territory? Wally’s? Or better yet, so we can talk without the prying eyes of the town on us, why don’t we meet somewhere on the Winthrop property? Do you remember where we first met? The day we didn’t actually meet? Do I sound too much like Honey?

Despite a full feeling in her eyes and throat, Hallie managed to let a low, short laugh escape. She did remember. She didn’t know why she was so surprised that he did, too.

I’ll be in that little clearing off the main trail around eleven, if that works for you. You know how to reach me if you need to change the time or want to change the place.

And suddenly, she felt a heaviness in her heart. She wasn’t certain if she would’ve actually met with him or not but she felt distinctly disappointed that she had missed that opportunity.

If you aren’t able to meet with me on Saturday—I just can’t think about the possibility that you don’t want to—I’ll be in church Sunday. Please don’t be mad at Sally but I intend to ask her if she can make a point of inviting you to join her and Mart this week.

So, Sally had set her up. Hallie sighed. She wasn’t mad at Sally. She was sure Simon’s sister and Mart’s future wife was feeling particularly torn in two. She returned to the letter.

I’ll be in town until Monday afternoon. I hate to miss the Founder’s Day fireworks, as you well know—

She could see the mischievous twinkle in his eye as she read those words. He really was a scamp. She smiled. Just a little bit.

—but I have to be at work bright and early Tuesday morning. So, if all else fails, maybe we’ll see each other at the festival.

I just want to spend some time with you, talk to you. We said we’d still be friends and while I know we have a ways to go before we’ll feel comfortable in those roles—or at least I know I will—I really miss talking to you, Hallie. I really miss being with you. It wasn’t just that we were good together. It’s that you were so good for me. I didn’t realize it until it was too late.

Is it too late? Call me an optimist but I don’t want to believe it is.

I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you tell me not to wait anymore.

And then I’ll wait a little longer.

Simon

With a shaky hand, Hallie laid the letter on the table. The memories flooding through her brain weren’t of Simon and the happy months they had spent together. They were of her ex-husband, Julian Peslier. Like Simon, he was charming and handsome and full of himself. They had met on the Riviera in the spring of Hallie’s third year of college. She and her girlfriends had come over from London for spring break, spending days on the beach and nights at every club within walking distance of their chic hotel.

Like Simon, Julian was persistent, and when Hallie finally agreed to go out with him he took her to Paris on his family’s private jet for their first date. She was swept off her feet by his extravagance but she knew she could simply be the flavor of the week for the European playboy. So she kept him dangling, something he could neither resist nor accept.

“Marry me, Hallie,” Julian murmured on the return flight to St. Tropez.

She gave him a coy smile, though she knew her cheeks were turning red. “Marry you? I never marry a man on the first date.”

He stroked his fingers along her bare arm. They were soft and white and manicured, hands that had never done a day’s manual labor.

“Marry me, Haralda,” he said again.

She wished she hadn’t told him her given name. He seemed to have a way of persuading her to do almost anything—revealing her hated given name, the trip to Paris, going out with him in the first place.

She was starting to feel uncomfortable because he seemed to be so serious. “I’ve known you for four days,” she pointed out, trying to maintain the poise and elegance that had been drilled into her at Leysin, the boarding school her parents had shuttled her off to at age 14.

“It feels like I have known you forever,” he purred.

“I’m not ready to be married. And I’m definitely not ready to be married to somebody I barely know.”

“I’ll wait.”

His dark eyes were so intently on her, so hungry, that she wasn’t sure he would wait.

She tossed her hair over her shoulder and said regally, “Don’t wait too long. Think of all the princesses and duchesses you’ll miss out on waiting for me.”

Julian’s family wasn’t just wealthy, they were practically royalty. Of course, the nobility was no longer a part of French law but it still carried a great deal of weight in European society by the passing of titles through family lines. Julian was, officially, Julian Alexandre Gregoire Peslier Vicomte de Limoges de Comborn.

“Why settle for a princess when I have a queen sitting right next to me?” He raised her hand to his mouth and brushed his lips across her fingers. “I’ll wait for you, Hallie Belden.”

Hallie hadn’t married him that night, of course, but Julian hadn’t given up, either. He had no job, no commitments, and had followed her back to England when her classes resumed, doggedly pursuing her—taking her to the opera, the symphony, gallery openings, and formal dinners, showing her off to his family’s elite connections, always introducing her as “the woman I intend to marry”.

And finally, less than three months later, with the presentation of a diamond ring so big it would’ve choked a cat, she had given in.

Her mother had been over the moon, of course. Julian was everything her gold-digging heart could’ve desired for her daughter. So Hallie had done what she could to nip her rampant enthusiasm in the bud, running off to Monte Carlo to marry Julian in a private ceremony instead of having an extravagant Cinderella wedding at the Peslier estate.

They had met, dated, were engaged and married within four months. Everything in their relationship moved fast...

A knock at the door made her jump. She rubbed her hands against her eyes, pushing back the tears that had pooled there, and went to answer the door.

“Hi, Mart,” she greeted with a genuine smile on her face.

“Hi. I just came to let Lee and Grant out. Thought I’d see if I could drive you down to the street fair when I go back. We missed you at lunch.”

Dodging his query, she said, “You know you could’ve called me. I’d have been happy to take the dogs out.”

“I know. I guess I just came to check on you.”

She could feel the tears threatening again. She stepped back and gestured him inside.

“Sally’s worried you’re angry with her,” Mart said as he shut the door behind him. “For not telling you Simon was coming to church.”

“I’m not mad at Sally,” Hallie assured him.

“Well, you seem upset.”

For some reason she didn’t want to tell Mart about Simon’s letter, at least not until she could sort out her feelings for herself, so she kept her response vague. “Something reminded me of Julian.”

Mart knew the whole story behind her brief, failed marriage. He was the only one of her family or friends who knew the truth. There had been a point, a few summers ago in Virginia, when she had almost told Jim. Something had held her back and when Mart had interrupted them before she could even begin her story, she took it as a sign that Jim had enough worries on his Atlas-like shoulders without her adding to them. She had taken her cousin into her confidence instead, knowing that, no matter how poor his poker face was, nothing and nobody would persuade him to give up this secret entrusted to him, not even to Sally.

“You haven’t thought much about him in a while,” Mart said.

“Julian was charming, arrogant and persistent … just like Simon. I don’t want to fall into that trap again.”

“Your relationship—or lack of one—with Simon is your business. I’m not going to try and convince you one way or the other. That’s for the two of you to work out. But comparing Simon to Julian? That’s the trap, Hal. Simon’s not Julian.”

“They’re so much alike. I feel like I’m reliving it all. The way Julian pursued me. The way Simon kept finding ways to run into me.” She ran her fingers through her hair as she paced the small living room. “I married Julian less than four months after we met. Simon and I went from barely being able to tolerate each other right into bed together. Julian betrayed me and so did Simon.”

“You’re finding the similarities because you’re looking for them,” Mart insisted. “But you’re missing some big differences between the two of them.”

“Such as?”

Mart put his hands on the back of the couch and leaned over it, the intent teacher driving home a point to his student. “Julian pursued you because you were a prize he wanted. He won you, claimed his prize, showed you off like a trophy gleaming on his mantle. And when things went bad, he was done. That spoiled little dandy boy didn’t fight for you because he had no fight in him. He wanted everything easy. He wanted everything handed to him on a silver platter, like it had been all his life. In short, he quit.”

He paused, letting Hallie absorb that before he continued. “Simon made a mistake, a huge mistake. But he didn’t quit, he didn’t try to place the blame on someone else, and he didn’t try to take the easy way out. He took responsibility for his actions, he came clean with you, and when you tried to quit, he stuck with it.”

Hallie’s temper flared. “I didn’t quit!”

“Hal, I love you but, yes, you did quit. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have been mad. You should have been. You should’ve been outraged. But you didn’t listen to him. You didn’t even fight with him. You just shut down.”

The tears burned hot behind her eyes but she clenched her jaw and kept them at bay.

“Julian didn’t love you enough to fight for you. He let you go.” Mart paused and added, “Simon hasn’t let go yet.

“But do you want to know what the biggest difference is? And mind you, this is purely a guess since I never met that French turd. Since this spring, when Simon screwed up, he hasn’t stopped telling you how sorry he is. He hasn’t stopped telling Sally, me, his brothers, his parents, Trixie and Dan, Diana, everybody he meets who knows you that he’s sorry for what he did. And I’d be willing to put down some good money that Julian never said he was sorry.”

Hallie opened her mouth to refute him but quickly shut it again. Julian had said he was sorry. However, every apology he uttered was tempered with a “but”. “I’m sorry, Hallie, but I have family obligations.” “I’m sorry, Hallie, but you know this isn’t going to work.” “I’m sorry, Hallie, but…” But, but, but. Julian had apologized then placed the blame everywhere except at his own feet.

“Is this really about Simon, Hallie?” Mart asked. 

“I just don’t know if I can forgive him,” she replied in a quiet voice.

Mart came around the couch and put his hand on her arm. “The sooner you can forgive him, the sooner you can get back to work forgiving yourself.”

She looked at him, startled. “For what?”

“For one thing, falling in love with a bastard like Julian.”

“I didn’t know he would turn out to be a bastard,” she protested.

“Of course not. That’s the point. You have to stop blaming yourself. Crap happens in life and it isn’t always your fault. Sometimes, it isn’t anybody’s fault. It just happens. So stop thinking that just because things went wrong, it’s because you made a bad decision.”

“It’s not just Julian.”

“I know, but he’s the root of the problem.  You can’t just cut him out of your life, cut off the dead branches.  You’ve got to uproot the dead tree, as well.  Until you come to terms with everything and are willing to share these things with Simon, or whoever it is you want to give your heart to, that stump’s always going to be there, screwing up the landscaping.”

Hallie smiled despite herself.  “Ever the farmer.”

Mart flashed a quick grin then sobered to conclude, “Just because things go wrong doesn’t mean they can’t be made right again. It just needs two people willing to try.”

Simon was willing. She was still on the fence. But she could talk to him. That was the least she could do.

She smiled at her cousin and gave him a hug. “Thank you, Mart. I’m so lucky to have you for my cousin.”

“This is what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

She chuckled and shoved him away. “Get back to Sally before she worries that Lee and Grant mauled you to death.”

Mart made a face. “They would, too. Drown me in their drool. You’re not coming back with me?”

She shook her head but gave Mart a smile to tell him everything was okay. “Maybe I’ll see you down there in a bit.”

Mart nodded. “Okay, then. But don’t expect me to save you any ice cream.”

He gave her another hug and left. Hallie returned to the dining room table and picked up Simon’s letter.

I really miss talking to you, Hallie. I really miss being with you. It wasn’t just that we were good together. It’s that you were so good for me.

The truth was Simon was good for her, too. He made her happy. He made her laugh. He brought out her spirited, adventurous side—a side that had been walled off for far too long.

And she missed him, too.

I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you tell me not to wait anymore.

He had been waiting for her. And she hadn’t told him not to. Why? Was it because, deep down, she still wanted him to be there?

Mart was right that Julian had quit on her. But she had quit, too. When Julian asked her for a divorce, she gave it to him without resistance, moving back to the United States and cutting him so thoroughly out of her life that most of her family and friends knew nothing about Julian or her short-term marriage to him.

Was Mart right when he said that she had quit on Simon, too?  They continued to be drawn together—he to her and she to him—despite ending their relationship, despite living across the state from each other. Sure, they had family and friends in common but if she truly wanted to avoid Simon she knew it wouldn’t be difficult to accomplish.  Maybe she hadn’t quit on Simon. But maybe she needed to.  All she’d have to do is tell him to stop waiting.

She laid the letter down, glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall, found her purse and car keys, and left the house.

She made her way down crowded Main Street on foot, trying to look casual as she wove in and out among the vendor booths, tourists, and locals. The fact that she was moving quickly, not stopping to speak to anybody, and darting into booths and right back out again without looking at or purchasing anything, probably killed the impression of nonchalance. If not, one just had to look at her anxious face, lower lip caught between her teeth, to confirm the fact that she was not at the festival for fun.

She traversed the entire length of Main Street and stopped momentarily at the volunteer fire department, considering her options. The beer garden at The Barn was likely to be packed mid-afternoon. There was a good chance Simon was there.

She turned left and walked the short block to the local restaurant. The garden was indeed crowded, as she had suspected. She stood outside, scanning the area, hoping to observe without being noticed.

She saw Mart sitting with Sally and her brother and sister-in-law. Sally had little Savannah in her arms and Shawn appeared to be harassing Mart. That was nothing new, Hallie thought with a little smile. Her cousin saw her and offered a small smile in return but didn’t draw attention to her, which she appreciated.

Jim was sitting with Renee and her husband and a blond woman Hallie didn’t recognize. Jim wasn’t letting his past hurts keep him from trying to find true love. He dated regularly, though he hadn’t committed to anyone long-term since he and Renee broke up three years ago. Hallie wondered if this woman was a friend of Renee’s and if she was trying to set her up with Jim.

Caroline Foster waved at her and Hallie waved back but didn’t move into the beer garden. Shawn was the only Drake brother she saw. She could ask Shawn if he knew where his brother was but she really didn’t want the whole town to know her business. Shawn’s wife Staci was an incurable gossip.

She turned and went back toward Main Street, deciding she would take another look through the street fair before determining what to do next. Of course, she could call him but...

She sighed. This just wasn’t the kind of thing you did over the phone.

She made her way back to her car and headed back to her cottage but turned down the Drakes’ street before leaving downtown Indian Lake. She had little confidence she’d find Simon at his parents’ house, not with the Founder’s Day festival in full swing, but she didn’t know where else to look.

“If he’s not there, I’ll call him and find out where he is,” she resolved.

Simon didn’t own a car, so the collection of vehicles in the driveway and in front of the house didn’t tell her much. Simon usually used Shawn’s rattletrap pick-up when he came to Indian Lake and it was parked out front, but Shawn was here with his family and Hallie didn’t know what Staci’s car looked like so she wasn’t sure who had driven the truck most recently.

She parked her car a little ways down the street, in the first spot she could find, and made her way back to the Drakes’ house. As she climbed up the porch steps she saw that the front door was open and her heart began to beat more rapidly in anxiety.

She peered through the screen door but didn’t see anybody in the living room. She knocked and called out, “Hello?”

She caught her breath as the familiar Drake blond hair and blue eyes came out of the kitchen, then let it out in a disappointed sigh.

“Hi, Hallie. What’re you doing here?” Sam opened the door for her and gestured her inside.

She answered his question with one of her own, a smile plastered on her face. “Why aren’t you down at the street fair keeping all the tourists in line?”

Sam chuckled. “Not on duty today. Marie’s down there with Scotty and Sarah but Serena was getting cranky. I brought her to Grandma and Grandpa’s for a nap.”

“Um ... is Simon here?” she asked, trying to sound casual—I don’t really care. I’m just making small talk.

But the long-time cop saw right through her. He smiled in understanding and shook his head.

“No. Seth took him to the train station about 45 minutes ago.”

“Oh.” She tried to contain her disappointment, knowing Sam wouldn’t buy that either. “I thought he was going to be here for the fair.”

“We were all down there earlier. Simon has a couple of surgeries scheduled tomorrow morning. He decided to head back a little early since Seth and the family were on their way out of town anyway—save Shawn a trip to take him or pick up his truck later.”

He had left. He hadn’t waited for her. He had said he would but he hadn’t.

“Why don’t you give him a call?” Sam went on. “I know he’d like to hear from you.”

She nodded absently as she turned to go. She didn’t want to talk to Simon on the phone. She wanted to see him.

But did he want to see her?

“Hallie?”

She paused at the top step and turned back to Sam.

“My brother’s a punk,” he said plainly. He hesitated before adding sincerely, “But he’s a punk who’s very much in love with you.”

Hallie lowered her eyes.

“Think about giving him another chance, okay?”

Hallie stared at her feet for a few more seconds. Then she raised her head and offered Sam a faltering smile, unsure how to answer, before going down the steps and toward her car.

Mart had said she needed to forgive Simon so that she could also forgive herself. Maybe she also needed to give Simon another chance … so that she could give herself another chance as well.  

 

 

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

Chapterette 38 (4,893 words)

 

Thanks, as always, to my stalwart editors, Annette, Heather, and Ruth.  This story underwent some moderate change several months after editing (rolls eyes).  I just wasn't happy with it and I hope it's better now than it was.

 

So, we're starting to get some hints now about Hallie's failed marriage.  I didn't mean to be so mysterious and leave you hanging (okay, yes I did *g*) but there is more coming ... soon ... promise!  

Header photo is from Istock Photo.  Background is from Absolute Background Textures.  Mailbox divider graphic is from Microsoft Clip Art.