Doing charts wasn’t Simon’s favorite task.  In fact, it was somewhere near the bottom of the list.  It was a chore no doctor enjoyed, one they normally shoved off on the interns as grunt work.

 

But this class of interns was hopeless.  Simon hated giving them any work.  It was easier to do the charts himself than to have to re-do them after one of those idiots had gotten a hold of them.  It was as if they convinced themselves they had to have horrible handwriting because they were going to be doctors.  Nobody appreciated good penmanship anymore and he was tired of wasting valuable time interpreting instructions for the nurses that his interns had mangled beyond legibility.  He was looking forward to the day in the near future when they would be gone.  It couldn’t come soon enough for him.  The next group couldn’t possibly be worse, could they?

 

With an irritable growl, he slammed the chart he was working on shut, taking morbid pleasure in the ringing echo of the metallic cover, and pulled the next one off a stack that seemed to be growing larger rather than dwindling.

 

The door to the doctors’ lounge opened and quietly closed with the soft whoosh common to institutional doors.  He didn’t look up.  He just wanted to finish this never-ending pile of paperwork and go home.  He heard the rattle of the coffee pot and a mug being refilled.

 

“Long day, Dr. Drake?”

 

He grunted an acknowledgement and continued working.

 

“Oh, it can’t be as bad as all that, can it?”

 

The words were soothing, the tone lyrical, and he reluctantly pulled his eyes away from the chart in front of him and let himself be drawn toward the alluring voice.

 

As he raised his head, the first thing he saw was the legs.  He’d noticed them before.  He wasn’t blind.  And he’d always been a leg man.  This exceptionally nice pair belonged to third year resident Dr. Molly McQueen.  She wasn’t an aspiring Rockette but she could be with that name.  And that Colgate commercial smile.  And those incredible legs.

 

He smiled into her amber eyes.  “Interns suck.”

 

His eyes shifted down again briefly as she leaned back against the counter and crossed her legs—a deliberate movement, he was certain, that drew attention to her best feature.

 

“Well, chin up, Dr. Drake.  They’ll be gone soon.”

 

Something gleamed in her catlike eyes.  Something not related to the wretched interns.  Simon nodded his agreement and returned his focus to the charts in front of him, hoping she’d take the hint and move on with her cup of coffee and her tantalizing appendages.

 

“I heard a nasty rumor the other day.”

 

“What’s that?” he asked, more to be polite than out of any interest on his part.  Now that he was no longer a player in the rumor mill, he didn’t pay much attention to what the interns and nurses were gossiping about.

 

“I heard you’re in a seriously monogamous relationship.”

 

That got his attention.

 

No matter that this rumor was actually true or that it didn’t play up his considerable talents away from the operating room.  He still enjoyed the spotlight.  He resisted the urge to lean back in his chair and clasp his hands behind his head in a pose of smug satisfaction.

 

Instead, he merely smiled and said—with what he felt was admirable humility—“I’m afraid that rumor is true.  Just over six months now.”

 

Dr. McQueen tilted her head and smiled.  The movement made her dark auburn hair fall back off her shoulder, exposing her slender neck and the emerald teardrop that sparkled on her ear lobe. 

 

He felt a chill trickle down his spine.  He was used to being chased.  He was not, however, accustomed to being stalked.  He tightened his grip around the pen in his hand and returned his eyes to Mr. Denkman’s medical history.  67-year old male in for a triple bypass.  The surgery had been flawlessly executed.  The recovery had been textbook.  He was due to be released tomorrow morning.

 

Damn.  Where was the life threatening complication when he needed one?

 

In another move perfectly choreographed to catch his attention, Molly uncrossed her legs, straightened, and strolled over to the table where he was working.  She set her mug down and pulled out a chair, taking a seat across from him.

 

Simon quickly signed off on Mr. Denkman’s chart and pushed it aside.  With an almost desperate lunge, he grabbed another chart and flung it open.  Coronary embolism.  This looks promising.  Dead on arrival.  What the hell is this chart doing on my stack?  Damn interns.

 

“Your girlfriend is a lucky woman,” Molly remarked.

 

Don’t look directly at her.  No, wait, that’s an eclipse.  Remember the Sirens from your mythology.  Didn’t somebody cut his eyes out to resist their temptation?  No, no, it was beeswax in the ears, you dummy.  It wasn’t their beauty, it was their song that caused sailors to end up on the rocks.

 

“What’s her name?”

 

Her voice had just the slightest rasp to it, like fingernails scratching down his back.

 

“Hallie.”

 

“Does she work here?”

 

It was pitched low and quite sexy, the voice of a blues singer.

 

“No.  She’s a teacher.”

 

“What does she teach?”

 

Is this what the Sirens of ancient Greece sounded like?  Like Stevie Nicks or Kim Carnes, singing a seductive song to lure men to a rapturous death? 

 

He swallowed and answered, “Foreign languages.”

 

“Have you fallen for an exotic foreigner, Dr. Drake?”

She’s going to root out every detail about her now, keep singing that damn Siren’s song until your ship is good and wrecked.  There seems to be a shortage of beeswax here and jamming this pen into your eardrum isn’t very practical, so you’re going to have to make her stop talking.

 

He cleared his throat.  “Not unless you consider Idaho a foreign country.”  Before she could ask another prying question in that gravely voice that curled his toes, he added firmly, “Dr. McQueen, I’m sorry to tell you that I’ve turned in my little black book for good.”

 

She leaned over her coffee mug and tilted her head up slightly, just enough so that she could flash her feline eyes at him from underneath her long, black lashes.  “Pity.”

 

The table was small.  It had to be to fit into the cramped doctors’ lounge.  The fact that her knee was brushing up against his underneath said table was certainly just a coincidence.

 

Her toes stroking along his ankle and up underneath his scrubs, however, wasn’t quite so innocent.

 

He needed a distraction.  A seriously complex mental diversion to keep his brain fully occupied.

 

He pulled the next chart off the stack.  73-year-old female.  Pacemaker installation.

 

Shit.

 

 

“What do you and Hallie have planned for this weekend?  And you don’t have to be too detailed about it.”

 

Simon started out of his reverie.  He tore his unseeing gaze from the train window and turned to his seatmate.  Dan gave him an expectant grin.

 

“Don’t get too detailed?  Where’s the ick factor?  She’s not your sister.”

 

“Yeah, but she’s Mart’s cousin and Mart will ask me,” Dan replied.  “If you get too explicit and I tell him everything you tell me, he’ll get totally squicked out.  And if I hold back, he’ll know I’m holding back.  Imagining what you might have told me will squick him out even worse.”

 

“I’m not too worried about Mart getting … squicked out.  That’s part of the fun.”  Offering Dan his typical devilish grin seemed almost too much of an effort.  “Don’t tell me you haven’t let a few too many details slip out sometimes when you tell him what you and Trixie have been up to?”

 

Dan’s grin widened.  “I’m really looking forward to that day in the not so distant future when I’ll be sharing all the gory details of trying to get her pregnant.  Ovulation, cycles, peeing on a stick.  That ought make his hair stand on end.”

 

Simon chuckled and turned back to watch the passing countryside, half hoping Dan would let the conversation die away, half hoping for some smooth segue into a more serious topic.  When none was forthcoming, he cleared his throat and turned to look at Dan.  He needed to talk to somebody.  Maybe Dan.

 

Cop.  Bob-White.  Married to Hallie’s cousin.  Best friend of Hallie’s cousin.  Maybe not.

 

He frowned.  “Did you and Hallie date in high school?”

 

“Not really.  We hung out when she came to Sleepyside in the summers, but that was more because the others were already paired up.  I think everybody kind of hoped we’d hit it off but there wasn’t any chemistry there.”

 

Simon couldn’t understand that.  Hallie exuded chemistry, sexuality, passion, and fire.  Anyone who couldn’t fall for her must have a heart of stone.

 

“It’s not that I don’t find her attractive,” Dan went on, as if reading his mind.  “I guess I was just waiting for someone else.”

 

Hallie was tall and slender with the stately bearing of an ancient Egyptian goddess.  She had straight raven black hair and dark, mysterious eyes that held a thousand secrets.  She was introspective and liked to listen and observe before speaking her mind.

 

Trixie was the wholesome All-American girl next door with an explosive energy she had to work hard to contain.  She had curly sandy-blond hair and bright blue eyes that expressed everything she was feeling inside.  She said—often blurted—exactly what she thought without stopping to think it through first. 

 

Simon smiled with a little more enthusiasm this time.  “You were waiting for the anti-Hallie.”

 

Dan chuckled and nodded.  “Yeah, I guess I was.”

 

Before he could lose his nerve, Simon said hastily, “Let me ask you something.  Did Hallie’s marriage break up because her husband was unfaithful to her?”

 

Dan studied him carefully before answering.  He was the yin to Trixie’s yang—thoughtful, quiet, mentally seeking hidden agendas and motives rather than making snap opinions.  He was definitely the good cop in the interrogation room.

 

Finally, he shrugged.  “I don’t know.  She doesn’t like to talk about it and I can respect that as long as he didn’t physically abuse her, which she assures me he didn’t.”

 

Simon nodded and turned to stare at the back of the seat in front of him.  There was a hole along the seam.  Some passenger had gotten more than he bargained for when he pulled on a loose thread in the vinyl.

 

“Why do you ask?”

 

He was playing the good cop now, Simon noticed, his voice even and non-judgmental.

 

But a good cop was still seeking a confession.

 

He fought the impulse to stick his finger in the hole and enlarge it, peel the stuffing out the way he removed fatty plaque from a carotid artery.  He rubbed his hand over his goatee, covering his mouth in an effort to speak no evil.  A low, rumbling groan still managed to escape.  The sin was already done.

 

He lowered his hand and without looking at Dan mumbled, “I screwed up.  Seriously screwed up.”

 

Dan didn’t respond and after an interminable wait of dead silence, Simon turned to look at him.  “I cheated on Hallie.”

 

The way Dan’s expression didn’t change one iota made him uneasy.  He almost wished he was confessing to Trixie or Mart.  The almost twins couldn’t hide their feelings if they tried.  Their anger over his betrayal of their cousin would be right in his face and he’d be ready to react.  Dan’s smoldering fury crackled steadily toward a keg of dynamite but he had no idea how long that fuse would burn before detonating.

 

He held the younger man’s steady gaze as long as he could before lowering his head to stare at the grimy floor.  He could feel the train clickety-clacking on the rails underneath them.  He had an idea that Dan, quiet as he was right now, would love to hurl him through the window right onto those tracks.

 

Slowly, he clenched and unclenched his fists.  He stared at his palms then turned them over and wiped them on his jeans.  He went through the whole ritual twice more and Dan didn’t say a word.

 

Finally, Simon leaned back against his seat and turned his head.  “Say something.  Please.  Say anything.”

 

Dan spoke with a disturbing nonchalance, as if they were discussing the weather.  “Do you want me to tell you you’re an asshole?”

 

“Yeah, whatever.  Just talk to me.”

 

“Okay.  You’re an asshole.”

 

It didn’t make him feel any better.  Maybe it was the well-modulated tone Dan used.  He could have said, “You’re a surgeon.  You’re a New Yorker.  You’re an Aries,” and it would have sounded the same.

 

“What do I do?  How do I tell her?”

 

That, at least, produced a reaction.  A small one to be sure, but nevertheless Dan looked surprised.

 

“You’re going to tell her?”

 

“Hell, yes.  I’ve watched All My Children way too long to think keeping a secret like this will work out.”

 

One corner of Dan’s mouth twitched.  “You watch soap operas?”

 

Simon felt the heat rising in his cheeks.  He hadn’t meant to let that slip.  “I was dating this actress who got an eight-episode spot a few years ago.  I visited her on the set, got to watch them film.  So I tuned in to see her.  I guess I kind of got addicted.”  He could tell Dan was on the verge of laughter so he hurried on.  “Anyway, my point is that the truth always comes out.  It’ll be way worse if I try to keep it under wraps.  She’ll find out from somebody else or maybe somebody will blackmail me.  That’s what I’ve learned from watching All My Children.”

 

“Thank you, Erica Kane.”

 

“Shut up,” he growled.

 

Dan chuckled but quickly turned sober again.  “I don’t know if Hallie’s husband cheated on her or not.  But I hardly think that matters.  You cheated on her and she’s going to be hurt.”

 

“I didn’t intend to hurt her.”

 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t lead with that if I were you.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“She’s not gonna want to hear any clichés.  Don’t tell you didn’t mean to hurt her.  Don’t tell her it didn’t mean anything to you or give her a list of sorry excuses for why you strayed.  If you’re going to confess, just do it.  Don’t sugarcoat it.”

 

Simon slumped in his seat, propped his elbow up on the narrow window ledge and put his chin in his hand.  “Yeah.”  He watched the countryside rush past, his thoughts too muddled to even get lost in them.

 

“Thinking twice about telling her?”  Dan’s voice had a note of warning in it now.

 

“No. I’m definitely telling her today.  Tonight.  Well, before the weekend is over, anyway.”

 

“No way.  You have to tell her as soon as you can.  Don’t spend a sex-filled weekend like nothing’s wrong and then tell her.  That’s cheating, too.”

 

Simon nodded absently but Dan didn’t seem to have any confidence that he was in agreement with him.

 

“You have to tell her today, Simon,” he said sternly.  “Dinner is at Mart and Sally’s tonight and I’m going to ask her about it.  If you haven’t told her by then, you’re screwed.  You’re screwed in front of her family and you’re screwed in front of your family.”

 

“Talk about not sugarcoating it,” he grumbled, scooping a hand through his hair.

 

“You’ll thank me later,” Dan replied without humor.  “I think you told me because you wanted to be held accountable.  You said it yourself.  It’s better to tell her than to keep it from her.  So you told me and there’s no turning back now.  You have to tell her.  Today.”

 

“Today,” Simon agreed without enthusiasm.  Turning back to the window, he put a silent but firm end to the conversation.  He spent the rest of the journey staring blankly at the passing scenery, hoping against hope that the train would miss the station and put them on an express line to Nova Scotia.

 

 

Simon’s brother Seth had carpooled to work that morning, leaving his ancient pick-up truck at the train station for Simon’s use. 

 

It took about forty minutes to drive to the Winthrop School for Boys and Simon didn’t say a word the entire trip.  Dan tried to make conversation but finally gave up, not speaking again until they pulled up in front of the school.

 

Simon stopped but didn’t park the truck and left it running while he waited for Dan to get out.

 

“You’re not coming in?”

 

“No.  I’m going on down to Hallie’s.”

 

“You know she’s not there,” Dan replied needlessly.

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

He didn’t want to see her here at the school.  He didn’t want to put off what he had to confess and he needed privacy to do that.  He wasn’t even comfortable idling the truck here in front of the school, despite the fact that Hallie’s classroom was in the back of the building.

 

Dan seemed to understand.  Grabbing his duffel bag, he hopped out of the truck and shut the door.  Poking his head in the open window, he asked, “Sure you don’t want to come do some woodworking?  Burn off some steam?”

Simon snorted.  He didn’t need to be around sharp tools with Dan.  Or Jim for that matter.  Jim didn’t need to know what he’d done to Hallie to have an excuse to want to hurt him.

 

“All right, then,” Dan said, slapping his hand on the door.  “See you tonight.”

 

Simon wasn’t sure that was going to be a possibility but he nodded anyway and waved goodbye.

 

Without thinking, he threw the truck into reverse and backed into a parking space so he could turn around, not even wanting to drive around behind the school and risk Hallie looking out her classroom window and seeing him there.  When he tried to pull forward, the truck’s gears ground in noisy protest.  Dan looked over his shoulder with a smirk as he headed up the front steps of the school.

 

“Dammit,” Simon growled.  “Why the hell doesn’t Seth get a real truck?” 

 

He wrestled with the obstinate gearshift for several minutes, finally having to grip it with both hands in order to force it back into first gear. 

 

He didn’t expect this day was going to go well but did everything have to go wrong?

 

 

The answer to that supposedly rhetorical question was “yes”.  Once again lost in thought and not paying attention to what he was doing, Simon pulled his brother’s non-reversible truck into Hallie’s driveway.

 

There wasn’t enough slope to merely coast backward onto the road and his paranoid frame of mind had him worried about needing a quick getaway.  He put the truck into neutral and pushed it back down to the road, parking it on the shoulder between Hallie’s cottage and Mart and Sally’s house.

 

He let himself in with the key Hallie had given him at Christmas and it wasn’t until he had taken it off the ring and set it on the kitchen counter that he realized just how pessimistic he was being.

 

Maybe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed.  Maybe it would be okay.  Maybe Hallie would be understanding.  Maybe they’d fight about it and make up.  And have great make-up sex.

 

Simon sighed longingly.  Probably not.

 

They’d only been dating for six months.  It’s not like they were married or even engaged.  Hell, they hadn’t specifically said they were going to be exclusive.  Surely Hallie didn’t expect that he could be.  She knew about his past long before she stepped into his shower with him and started that ball rolling.

 

He scowled as he remembered what Dan had said about sorry excuses.  Looking for a distraction, he wandered over to Hallie’s overstuffed chair-and-a-half to see what she was currently reading.  The book on top of the stack was a Lucy Radcliffe novel, Betrayal in Berlin.  He winced at the irony as he settled into the chair and opened the book.

Simon snorted but for some reason he couldn’t put the book down.  He turned the page and continued reading.

 

“‘I heff been vaiting for you.’” Simon repeated scornfully.  “Seriously?”

 

He shook his head but continued reading, hoping the book would be preposterous enough to keep his heavily lidded eyes open.  

The sharp crack startled Simon out of his nightmare.  He unconsciously clutched his chest, fully expecting to find it covered in blood.

 

“Sorry,” Hallie said.  “The door got away from me.”

 

Simon blew out a long, slow breath as he watched Hallie take off her coat and drape it over a dining room chair.

 

“The wind is really picking up out there.  It wasn’t supposed to rain tonight but it sure feels like there’s a storm on the way.”

 

“Ya,” he said.

 

Hallie made her way across the living room, a smile playing on her lips.  “Ya?”

 

“I mean yes—yeah, whatever.”  He tossed the Lucy book back onto the side table but, of course, Hallie’s sharp eyes saw it.

 

“Were you reading Betrayal in Berlin while you waited for me?” she teased.

 

Simon made a face and rose from his seat.  “No.”

 

Hallie slipped her arms around his waist and pressed her body close to his.  “You don’t have to hide it.  There’s nothing wrong with liking Lucy.”

 

God, he wanted to kiss her.  He wanted to sweep her into his arms and carry her off to the bedroom and promise her she was the only one for him.  But Siemon Dracht’s fate still hung ominously in the corner of his mind.

 

“I’m not reading a girl’s book,” he scoffed, gently pulling away from her embrace and stepping out of her range—at least slapping range.  If she had a Derringer he was doomed, but he was pretty sure Hallie didn’t own a gun.  Still, he’d feel better if she wasn’t wearing that long, loose-fitting emerald green skirt.  Too many places to hide a small gun.

 

“You’re in a mood,” she commented.  “You’re not cranky about Seth’s truck, are you?”

 

“What?”

 

“Dan told me you practically left the clutch in the front driveway.  You know better.  Once that truck is in reverse, you can’t get it back out without a serious fight.”

 

“Yeah, I forgot.”  He raked one hand through his hair and wondered what else Dan had told her.  “Hallie...”

 

He knew he needed to tell her.  And the sooner he did, the better.  Not better for him.  Not better for them.  But putting it off would only make things worse.  The trouble was, napping with a Lucy book hadn’t given him time to figure out exactly how he was going to tell her.

 

“Are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer in concern.

 

“Yeah.  I mean, no.  No, not at all.  Hallie, I—”  But once again words failed him.

 

A crease appeared on Hallie’s forehead and her brows came together above her nose.  Her eyes darkened and he could tell she knew something was wrong.  He hadn’t seen that disturbed look of hers in a long time.  All at once, she was skittish, sullen, suspicious Hallie again.

 

And for good reason, he thought morosely.

 

Taking a deep breath, he tried again.  “Hallie—”

 

“You’re breaking up with me.”  Her voice was flat, accepting the truth she already knew in her heart.

 

“No.”

 

He shouldn’t have said that.  That simple word was a lifeline of false hope thrown her way and he could see it lighting across her face as she gave him a guarded smile.

 

“Hallie, I ... I’m sorry ... I ... I slept with another woman.”  Seeing her look of bewilderment, he felt compelled to add, “Last week.”

 

He watched the confusion slip away as full understanding of his deceitfulness struck her.

 

“I made a mistake,” he continued in a quiet voice.  The last thing he wanted was a shouting match between the two of them.  “I’m so sorry, Hallie.”

 

Dan’s advice was still ringing in his ears but now that the dam was breached he couldn’t stop the trite words from flowing.

 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.  It was an accident.  It was just one time and it’ll never happen again.  It didn’t mean anything to me.  I didn’t want to keep it from you or lie to you.  I didn’t want to hurt you but I know I did.  I’m sorry and I promise you, I won’t do it again.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Her words were soft but powerful enough to stop his senseless prattle.  She was staring at the floor, her hands clenched into tight fists at her sides.

 

“Hallie?”

 

She raised her head and the look of bemusement on her face confused him.  When she spoke again, he was even more confused.

 

“It’s all right.”

 

“It ... it is?”

 

“It’s my fault.  I should’ve known better.  I should’ve known better than to trust you.  I knew what you were when I slept with you.”  And here her voice broke a little.  “When I gave my heart to you.  That was stupid of me and I have no one to blame but myself.”

 

Simon shook his head.  “Hallie...”

 

“Shut up,” she said again, with more force this time.  “Get out of my house.”

 

He dug his heels in and shook his head with determination.  “No.  I want to talk to you about this.”

 

“Why?”  Fire shot out from her blackberry eyes, but only from behind a veil of tears that she struggled to hold back.  “So you can tell me all about her?  So you can suggest a threesome?  So you can make a comparison between us?  See where I rank on your lifetime list of good lays?”

 

“Hallie, no, I—”

 

“Get out!”

 

“I’m sorry and I mean that with all my heart.  I know I’m a jerk but I have tried to change.  I just screwed up.”

 

Her laugh was dry and laced with cynicism.  “Yeah, you tried.  You lasted all of six months before you got bored and had to find somebody new to take to your bed.  I guess I should be grateful we made it past Christmas and my birthday, right?  Or would you like the gifts back?  See if you can get a refund?”

 

He rubbed one hand over his face and across his mouth, physically squelching the impulse to yell back.  She was being irrational but at least he had the good sense not to say that out loud.

 

“Hallie,” he said, keeping his voice pitched low as if speaking to a skittish filly about to bolt.  He didn’t know what else to say so he just spoke her name softly again.  “Hallie.”

 

“Go away.  Just please go away.”

 

He could tell she wanted to cry, needed to cry.  And he could tell she didn’t want to do it in front of him.  He had hurt her so badly.  The least he could do was give her privacy for her tears.

 

He nodded and backed toward the front door.  “Okay, I’ll go.  But will you please call me tomorrow so we can talk?”

 

She shook her head.  “No.  Don’t call me.  Don’t come over.  I don’t want to see you again.”

 

“But you will,” he said resolutely.  “And not just because Mart’s your cousin and Sally’s my sister.  We’ll see each other again because…”

 

He couldn’t finish his thought.  Not here.  Not now.  Not like this.  Instead he said simply, “I’m not giving up, Hallie.”

 

 

He didn’t call Mart and Sally to tell them he wouldn’t make it for dinner.  He was pretty sure they’d figure that out all by themselves and if not, Dan or Hallie would fill them in.  He turned off his cell phone to eliminate the possibility of them calling and reaming him out.

 

He spent the night at his parents’ house.  He didn’t give an explanation and they didn’t ask him any questions. 

 

He tossed and turned all night, the words he had left unspoken haunting him in his dreams.  They were still there, echoing through the darkness, when he woke up before dawn.

 

We’ll see each other again because…

 

He swung his feet off the bed and let them fall with a soft thump to the carpeted floor.  Propping his elbows on his thighs, he let his forehead fall down against his palms.

 

We’ll see each other again because…

 

“Because I love you, Hallie Belden,” he mumbled.

 

He had not told her that once in the six months they had been together.  He wasn’t sure he knew it himself, not until yesterday.  But how could he tell her then?  How could he take the most horrible moment of their short relationship and spit out those precious words?  Words that would seem meaningless, calculated to win her heart back and make her forget the awful thing he’d done.

 

They weren’t meaningless.  They weren’t calculated.  He meant them.  He had never told a woman not related to him that he loved her.  But he loved Hallie Belden.

 

Loved her with every ragged and raw breath that he took.

 

Loved her with every painful beat of his cheating heart.

 

Loved her like he had never dreamed he could love a woman.

 

“Because I love you, Hallie Belden,” he said, this time with determination.

 

 

When he pulled Seth’s truck up in front of Hallie’s house, he was startled to see Mart sitting on a lawn chair on the front porch.

 

Keeping a watchful eye on his future brother-in-law, he got out of the truck and made his way slowly up the drive.  Mart stood as he approached, his arms crossed over his chest, his blue eyes dark in warning.

 

“She doesn’t want to see you.”

 

“Have you been sitting here all night, Mart?”

 

“That’s none of your business.  She doesn’t want to see you, so you might as well turn around and go home.”

 

Simon shook his head, wondering why he was so surprised at the show of Belden loyalty and protection.  “Seriously, Mart,” he mumbled.  “Did you think I was going to come by in the middle of the night and do something to hurt her?”

 

“You already hurt her,” Mart growled.  “You slept with someone else.”

 

“I didn’t beat her!” Simon shouted, spreading his hands out in exasperation.  “I’m not going to grab her by the hair and drag her off to my man cave and have my way with her.  Let’s get a little damn perspective here.”

 

Mart’s eyes narrowed.  Once again, Simon wondered what Hallie’s ex-husband had done that was so unpardonable. 

 

“Did Julian cheat on her?” he asked abruptly.

 

It was a good question to ask and the right person to ask.  If Julian had cheated on Hallie, too, Simon didn’t think he had a chance in hell of getting her back.  But Mart’s poker face was for crap.  He might not tell Simon exactly what had happened to end Hallie’s brief marriage but Simon could tell he knew the whole story.  Hallie had confided in her favorite cousin and whatever that French bastard had done, he hadn’t committed adultery.

 

He took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing.  “I was a jackass.  What I did was unspeakable.  But I don’t think it’s unforgivable.”

 

He thought he saw Mart flinch just a little, the steel-blue glint in his eyes dim slightly.  Mart was undoubtedly the guardian.  Family was important to him.  But he was engaged to Simon’s sister.  That made Simon family, too.

 

“Mart, never in my life have I fought for a relationship.  If a girlfriend got too clingy or moved things along too fast or too seriously, I pushed her away.  When I screwed up—and I promise you this isn’t the first time I’ve screwed up—I just let her walk away.  There was always another woman I could chase.  I can’t do that this time.  Hallie means more to me than that.  She’s the only one I want to chase.  That has to count for something.”

 

Mart didn’t say anything but Simon saw the hard line in his jaw soften.

 

“I told Hallie the truth.  I took full responsibility.  I know I’m the one at fault.  I’m willing to accept whatever punishment she wants to mete out.  But I can’t stand the thought of not seeing her anymore, not being with her.”

 

Because I love you, Hallie Belden.

 

He sighed.  “Do you remember when you were first dating Sally and I told you I’d eviscerate you if you hurt her?”

 

“Yes,” Mart replied.  “And I don’t see why the same shouldn’t apply to you.”

 

Simon went on as if Mart hadn’t threatened him.  “And you said you weren’t aiming to hurt Sally ... because you loved her.  That was the first time you said you loved her and you told me later you were kind of upset with yourself for telling me before you told her.”

 

He stopped to let the full import of his words get through to Mart.  For once, he hoped his face was as readable as Mart’s was.  He hoped his future brother-in-law could see how much he loved Hallie.

 

“I can’t force her to talk to you,” Mart said at last.  “And I can’t let her think I’m on your side.”

 

“I’m not asking you to side with me,” Simon assured him.

 

“I won’t stand in your way but, so help me, if you hurt her again—”

 

“I won’t.”

 

Mart held his gaze for a long, fierce moment.  Finally, he stepped aside.

 

“Thank you, Mart.”

 

Simon knocked on the door to Hallie’s cottage and prayed she would answer.  The ten or twenty seconds he waited seemed like an eternity but when she finally opened the door, his heart leapt in his chest so violently that he found himself momentarily thunderstruck, the music of her name dying on his lips before he could speak it.

 

Whatever soft light had been in her eyes when she opened the door, expecting, no doubt, to see Mart or Sally, dimmed.  Before she could slam the door in his face, he forced the words out of his throat.

 

“Can I come in, Hallie?  Please?”

 

She shifted her eyes over his shoulder.  Simon wasn’t sure what Mart did or didn’t say to her, but he could envision her cousin’s feeble attempts to keep a straight face.  Mart was the Belden protector but he was also a romantic.  He wanted happily ever after for everybody he loved and Simon could just imagine his earnest blue eyes pleading with Hallie to at least hear Simon out.

 

She stepped back and opened the door wide enough to allow him entrance.  Simon tried to catch her eye, to make sure he had permission to come in.  She didn’t look right at him but simply nodded.

 

As he went into the cottage he heard Mart say, “Do you want me to come in, too, Hal?”

 

“No, it's all right.”

 

“Okay.  I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Thank you.”

 

Simon gazed around the small living room.  When Hallie was angry, she was vocal rather than destructive.  There were no telltale signs of what she must have gone through the night before.  And even though they‘d been together for six months, they lived on opposite sides of the state.  There hadn’t been any sort of “moving in” by either of them, so his things weren’t lying around the cottage ... or piled up in the fireplace and set ablaze, he thought grimly.

 

He did see a photo of them still on the mantle.  True, it wasn’t just of them.  It was a photo from the Drakes’ New Year’s Eve party—Simon and his siblings and their significant others.  Well, at least she hadn’t blacked out his face with a marker.  Yet.

 

“What do you want, Simon?”

 

He turned to face her.  The look of absolute pain on her face was like a knife in his heart.  She may not have blacked out his face in the photo but he felt like she had taken that marker and blacked him out of her life.

 

“I just want you to know ... how sorry I am.  Really and truly and deeply sorry.”

 

There was no lessening of the hurt on her face, no softening in her dark as night eyes.  Her voice was flat and emotionless when she spoke.  “It’s like those people who think it’s a good idea to have a lion or a bear cub as a pet.”

 

He furrowed his brow, trying to follow her line of reasoning but not wanting to interrupt her to ask questions.

 

“They think they can keep wild animals in a cage and then they act surprised when they get mauled.  I knew who and what you were when I slept with you.  I have no one to blame but myself.”

 

“I’m the one to blame, Hallie.  Not you,” he protested.

 

She shook her head.  “Those wild animals are just behaving in a way that’s natural to them.  So were you.  I shouldn’t have been surprised when you turned on me.  I shouldn’t have tried to keep you.”

 

He attempted to smile at her.  “I liked being kept.”

 

Her forehead creased and she quickly dropped her eyes—To fight back the tears?  Or to fend off his charm?

 

He took a cautious step forward, itching to reach out and take her hand in his, touch her smooth skin, breathe in her scent.

 

“Hallie Belden, please forgive me.  Please give me another chance.  We’re so good together.  I know we can—”

 

“No.  No, we can’t.  It never should’ve happened in the first place.  It was a mistake.  We were brought together under extraordinary circumstances.  The terrorist attacks scared us.  I reached out to you and you took me into your bed.  It’s like soldiers who fall for nurses who tend to them on the battlefield.  Or a woman thinking she’s in love with the man who rescues her from danger.  It’s an illusion.  It wasn’t real.”

 

“It is real,” Simon insisted.

 

Hallie shook her head, her lips pressed together in a hard, thin line.

 

“Hallie, I’ve felt things with you that I’ve never felt before.  I know I screwed up but I didn’t do it on purpose.  I would never purposely set out to hurt you.  I’m just weak and stupid and I fell back on what I’ve always known.  I won’t do it again.  I don’t want to do it again.  I only want you.  I’ve never wanted another woman like I want you, Hallie Belden.”

 

He paused for a breath, reminding himself to be truthful with her.

 

“I can’t promise you I’ll never hurt you again.”  He waited until she looked him in the eye.  “But I can promise you I’ll never cheat on you again.  Never.”

 

He laid bare his soul, holding nothing back, but it turned out to be the wrong thing to say.

 

“I can’t let you hurt me again,” Hallie said in a quiet voice.  “I let myself get hurt once before but I took a chance and trusted you and you hurt me.  I can’t go through that again.”

 

“What does that mean?  You’re never going to love anyone again?  Life is full of hurts, Hallie.  I could’ve stood here and promised you I’d never cause you pain again but it’s a promise I couldn’t swear to keep.  Nobody could.  Don’t close yourself off again.  That Hallie was no good.  She wasn’t you.  You have life and love.  You have a generous heart.  You have a smart mouth and an adventurous spirit.  You have the sexiest laugh I’ve ever heard.  Don’t go back to that dark place you were in after your divorce.”

 

Tears were brimming in her eyes, making them look larger and brighter than usual.  The heartache was still there but he saw something else, too.  Not merely a slackening in her determination to shut him out but a tiny window of hope.  What could he say or do to slip through that opening and back into her heart?

 

Because I love you, Hallie Belden.

 

Dammit, this wasn’t the right time, either.  He didn’t want to say it like this, under these circumstances.

 

“Please, go,” she murmured.

 

He had to say something now, before she turned him away for good.

 

Because I love you, Hallie Belden.

 

“Yesterday ... I wanted to tell you ... I wanted to tell you that I knew we could work this out, I knew I could change and that you could forgive me.”

 

She shook her head again, swallowing down a tearful reply.

 

“Yes, we can.  I know we can ... because I love you, Hallie Belden.”

 

She didn’t say anything or make any sort of movement but that was what struck him.  She didn’t move a muscle.  He wasn’t sure she was even breathing, she was so still.

 

“That’s what I wanted to tell you yesterday but I knew it wasn’t the right time.  And it’s still not the right time, so I’m not going to say it now, either.”

 

“You just di—”

 

“No, I didn’t,” he interrupted with a mischievous smile.  “I didn’t say it just now because it’s not how I want to say it.  I want you to remember it.  I want you to remember it as the most romantic moment of your life.  I want everything to be—as Honey would say—perfectly perfect when I tell you.  So I’m not saying it now.”  She didn’t smile or laugh but he tried not to let that discourage him.  “Just believe that it’s true, that when I tell you that I lo—”

 

“No,” she interrupted, her voice breaking as she fought to get the words out before she broke down into tears.  “Don’t.  Don’t say it.  Don’t even think it.  It’s not true.  If it were true you wouldn’t have slept with someone else.  Please just go.”

 

He had to struggle against every instinct that told him to stay, to keep trying, to prove to her they belonged together.  He had said his piece and he didn’t want to press his luck, to fight with her instead of for her.

 

“I’ll go now,” he conceded, “before Mart storms the castle and slays the dragon.”  He stepped close to her and leaned down, brushing his cheek against hers as he whispered in her ear, “I’m not giving up, Hallie Belden.  I’m not giving up on you.  I won’t let you give up on me.”

 

He pressed his lips tenderly against her cheek.

 

“I won’t give up on us.”

 

Because I love you, Hallie Belden.

 

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

Chapter 36 (7,650)

 

Thanks, as always, to my stalwart editors, Heather, Ruth, and Annette, who aren't very happy with Simon at the moment.

 

I took an acting class at Western Michigan University with a girl named Molly McQueen.  We all thought she already had the perfect acting name.

 

Colgate is a brand of toothpaste and I'm not making any profit by its mention here.  No idea if the Rockettes are trademarked or not, but they're not mine, either.

 

Stevie Nicks (formerly of Fleetwood Mac) and Kim Carnes are two singers known for their raspy, husky voices.

 

Erica Kane (portrayed by Susan Lucci) is one of the core characters of the daytime drama, All My Children.

 

The opening paragraphs of my created Lucy novel, Betrayal in Berlin, were taken and amended slightly from Kathryn Kenny's version of Lucy Radcliffe in the book-within-the-book (#27-Ghostly Galleon), Mission in Munich.  The line, "Nazis.  I hate these guys." is in homage to the film Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

 

Yes, Simon is a pig.  But he truly does love Hallie, so maybe, after we're done beating him with a stick, we can root for him to get back together with her, right? (grin)

 

Header photo is from istock.com.  Section dividers were from some damn clip art or other I found online but forgot to save the link to.  Seriously, I waded through so many hearts and valentines and broken hearts trying to find this, it wasn't funny.  Gray background is from Absolute Background Textures.