Epilogue

May 22, 2000

“Thanks, Aidan.  I owe you one.”

“Friends don’t owe friends,” Aidan replied easily on the other end of the line.  “I’m happy to cover for you.  You’re family, Mangan.  You and Trixie.  Someday, when I need a hand, I know you’ll be there to help me out.”

“You would’ve made a great Bob-White.”

“Hell, no.  Red’s not my color.”

Dan chuckled, absently wondering where his B.W.G. coat was and if it even fit him anymore.

Aidan interrupted his thoughts.  “Tell Trixie I said hi.”

“I will.  Thanks again.”

Dan hung up the phone and went out into the living room where Trixie was lying on the couch, staring blankly at the television.

“Aidan says hi.”

Trixie nodded her acknowledgement. 

She wasn’t seriously depressed.  She had been up and around, showering, helping Dan fix meals, doing laundry.  She had talked to her family back home, called the hospital to check on Josh’s condition, talked to Zoey when she called to see how her favorite bodyguard was feeling.  She had checked in with Butterfield and made plans to get back to work.  But from time to time, when nothing else offered a distraction for her, she’d slip into a fog of sadness and just let it surround her for a while without fighting to be free of it.

“Let’s go out,” Dan suggested.

Trixie sat up slowly.  “Where?”

“Anywhere.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Then we won’t get anything to eat.  Come on, get your shoes on.”

“I’m not supposed to exert myself.”

She was fighting him but not very vigorously.  He was determined to get her out of the apartment and he knew he would win that fight.  He also knew where he was taking her.

“Then we’ll take a cab.”

Dan had the driver drop them off on East Basin Drive, just on the other side of the Outlet Bridge.  They took the footpath down toward the Tidal Basin and found a seat on the steps in front of the Jefferson Memorial just as the sun was beginning to set off to their left.

The area was mostly deserted.  Dan was glad because he knew how much Trixie hated to cry in front of an audience.  And although she was quiet at the moment, he could feel her shoulders trembling slightly under his touch and knew she wanted to let her emotions go.

“A little bird told me this was a good place to think,” he teased as he gave her a squeeze.

She nodded and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the first tear trickle its way down her freckled cheek.

“This is … this is where I was going to tell you,” she said softly.

“What?”

“This is where I was going to tell you I was pregnant.  When you came to visit me before my birthday, I was going to tell you.”

She put her face in her hands but emitted only one muffled sob.

Dan got down on his knees in front of her.  “Trixie, look at me.  Please.”

He grasped her hands firmly and she allowed him to pull them away from her troubled face and lay them on her lap.  He kept his hands covered protectively over hers as he spoke.

“I know you have to grieve over this.  I understand.  But you shouldn’t have to deal with guilt on top of the grief.  I’m not angry with you.  I know you were going to tell me.  I know things just happened and it didn’t work out.  Please don’t feel guilty about it.”

“It’s not that.  You told me you weren’t angry.  You told me that you understood why I didn’t get a chance to tell you.  I believe you.”

Looking him directly in the eyes, she spoke so sincerely that Dan could almost feel their hearts wrapping around each other.

“Then what is it, babe?  I can tell by your eyes that you’re feeling guilty about something.”

“I feel like … I feel like I’m being … punished.”

“For what?”

Finally, the tears let loose and came coursing silently down her cheeks.  Her lips and chin trembled and he wasn’t sure if she was trying to hold the words in or force them out.

“Because when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want it.  I didn’t want the baby.”

His face must have clearly registered his shock because she gasped and dropped her chin to her chest, no longer able to hold his gaze.  He felt her tears drop onto his hands but he didn’t move.

Finally, he pulled her into his arms and let her cry on his chest.  He stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort and understanding.  “Trixie, please don’t feel guilty about that.  Please don’t.”

“You don’t hate me for not wanting our child?”

“No, of course not, because I know you don’t mean that.  You were just surprised.”

“I was scared and confused and I think maybe I was … a little angry.  I wasn’t excited or joyful when I found out.  I didn’t want to call you—or my mom or Honey—right away and tell you the good news.  I didn’t feel any of the things you’re supposed to feel when you find out you’re having a baby.  I never thought about ... getting rid of it.  I know I’d never do that and I know I would’ve loved it and wanted it.  I just wasn’t ready for it … him … her.  God, I feel guilty just calling the baby ‘it’.  How heartless am I?”

“Trixie!” Dan exclaimed, pushing her back so he could look into her eyes again.  “You are not heartless!  I know you loved and wanted our baby and you know it, too.  You wouldn’t be so upset now if you didn’t.  And you’re not being punished.  What kind of thing is that to think?  I know you would’ve loved our child, no matter what kind of mess he or she made of our life plan.  It just took you by surprise, that’s all.  You were scared and upset.  You weren’t able to talk it over with me and that only made you more upset.  We would’ve worked it out somehow.  I know it.”

She nodded but the pained look in her eyes told him she was trying to convince herself of that agreement, not him.

When her tears petered off, he knew it was time to finally release the aching burden that had been on his heart as well.

“When I saw you in that hospital bed, my world stopped.  It stopped, Trixie.  And if you hadn’t been all right, I don’t know how it ever would’ve started again.  I’m the one who feels guilty, because when I knew you were okay, nothing else mattered.  I didn’t even care that we had lost a child because I was so relieved that I hadn’t lost you.  Now tell me, how heartless am I?”

A sad little smile inched onto her face and she laid a hand on his chest.  “Now what kind of thing is that to think?  You’ve got an incredibly big heart, Dan.  I should know.  You love me so much for reasons I can’t even fathom.”

He reached up and grabbed her hand tightly in his.  “We can make another baby, but I will never be able to find another you.  There are a million reasons why I love you but it all boils down to the simple fact that it just doesn’t work without you, Trix.”

“What doesn’t?”

“My life.”

The pain was still prominent in her eyes but he saw love there, too, a tiny spark doing its best to push away the sadness.  He slid his hand around her waist and drew her lips to his and they shared a kiss that offered a promise of a better tomorrow, a thousand better tomorrows.  And for just that moment, there in each other’s arms, their grief was eased.

He got up and sat back on the marble steps beside her, pulling her into his arms and planting a gentle kiss on top of her head.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him fiercely.  The sun sank slowly behind the cherry trees in a blaze of pink and purple and they watched it…

Together.

THE END 

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Author's Notes

Part 9 (5,475 words) and Epilogue (1,378 words)
Total Word Count (excluding West Wing transcript words) for In The Shadow of Two Gunmen (48,352 words)

Special thanks to Ruth for helping me out with the “sucky” parts of this installment.  Your input and suggestions really did make it better!  “Never underestimate the power of a single word, phrase, or character comment.”  Amen, sistah!

Some of the dialogue in the hospital (most of that between Zoey and her father and later some of the conversation between Leo and Trixie) comes from West Wing Episode 2.1, “In the Shadow of Two Gunmen, Part 1”, though I did play with the timing a little and added to the end of Leo and Trixie’s conversation, for obvious reasons.  In canon, Gina (Trixie) stayed behind in Rosslyn to talk to the FBI ID Agent, but I chose to take her along with Zoey as I felt that was more important to the story.  And how many of you even knew there would be an FBI ID Agent? (grin).  Much of Ron Butterfield's update on the assassination attempt was covered in canon in President Bartlet's room.  I reworded the text for his conversation with Trixie and Dan and so did not count that as transcript. C.J.'s briefing is also from West Wing transcript and again, I can't vouch for the veracity of the statistics on the gun-related incidents noted. They are Sorkin's words, not mine.  

All medical injuries to West Wing characters are per canon.  Josh Lyman was shot in the chest and the bullet collapsed his lung and lacerated his pulmonary artery.  He was in surgery for 14 hours but made a full recovery and returned to his position as White House Deputy Chief of Staff.

Except for my created characters (Aidan O’Callaghan), all characters either belong to Random House (Trixie Belden) or Warner Brothers (West Wing), including Gail the Goldfish (grin), and are borrowed lovingly and with full respect.