Brief Introduction: Mart met Sally Drake, a history teacher at Winthrop School for Boys in Chapterette 6B-Blueberries. While their initial meeting was anything but romantic, it was still love at first sight. Sally can match Mart word for word and routinely beats him in Scrabble, as she can actually spell the big words he likes to flout. Mart had to pass inspection from Sally's four older brothers, who have been described as very protective of their little sister and big enough to play linebackers for the Jets, in Chapter 11-A Late Walk, and due to their mental torturing Mart affectionately (or not so much) calls them "The Brothers Grimm". Mart and Sally have been dating for a little over a year at the start of this story.
April 11, 1999
“Dude, I need a favor.”
The response was flatly sarcastic. “I’m stunned.”
“Are you working today?”
“I get off in half an hour, though I should point out that I’ve been working all night. What do you need now, Mart?
“This isn’t like a favor so I can torture you.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Okay, it’s not just so I can torture you; I really do need your help.”
Dan’s exasperated half-sigh half-growl was followed calmly with, “All right. Lay it on me.”
“Sally’s birthday gift. I was supposed to pick it up last night, but I got waylaid catching up on my work here at the school. Sally’ll be here today for lunch and I need her present.”
“You aren’t seriously asking me to drive all the way up to Indian Lake so I can pick up her gift and bring it to you, are you?”
“No, of course not. Her gift is in Albany. I need you to pick it up there and bring it to me here.”
“Why is her gift in Albany?”
“Special order from a jewelry store down there.”
“Good God, you didn’t get her a Magic 8 Ball ring, did you?”
“No, of course not. Although...”
Dan laughed heartily. “She’d kill you, Mart. Stick to diamonds, okay?”
“Can you bring it to me? Or at least meet me somewhere halfway? The jewelry store just opened and I can’t get down there and back now before Sally gets here.”
“Let me guess ... it isn’t paid for yet?”
“Yes, it’s paid for,” Mart scoffed. “I may be a tormentor, but I’m not a mooch.”
“Good, because I’ve got a special birthday gift in mind for Trixie and I need every dollar I can spare.”
“Well, I’ll pay you for your time and give you some gas money, too.”
“Really? Sounds like a pretty special gift. Engagement ring?”
“Are you going to bring it to me or not?”
“Yeah, sure. You do realize that if you had gotten your lazy butt out of bed and on the road a few hours ago, you could’ve gotten down here and back home before lunch, right?”
“Well … yes,” Mart answered slyly. “But then I’d have missed the opportunity to torment you.”
“You do know that someday karma’s gonna kick your ass for all this, right?”
“As long as it’s not today, I can live with that,” Mart retorted with a dry chuckle.
***
Mart had just finished getting showered and dressed a few hours later when there was a knock at his front door. Breathing a sigh of relief, he hurried to answer it, only to be surprised by who stood outside the door. “Trixie! Honey! What’re you two doing here?”
Holding out the small bag she had in her hand, Trixie said, “Dan told me you called and asked him to pick this up for you. You know he works the night shift, Mart. I didn’t want him driving four hours after working a ten-hour shift. Why didn’t you ask me?”
Because I confronted Dan with your little secret, not you, so he’s my chosen slave. Hastily grabbing the bag she offered, he answered, “Because you don’t have a car.”
“You didn’t remember that I was staying with Trixie this weekend to work on wedding plans?” Honey asked.
“Um ... no. I thought Trixie had to go back to Virginia.”
Eyes narrowed in suspicion, Trixie retorted, “I told you I was done with my training and that there’d be a two or three week lag before I got assigned. I must have mentioned it four or five times last week.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess I just forgot.”
“So, we were kind of guessing you got Sally an engagement ring for her birthday, but then the jeweler gave me five little black boxes. What’s up with that?”
Giving them both a scathing look, Mart said, “Oh yeah, that’s why I asked Dan instead of you. I didn’t want my little sister to give me the third degree. I’m certainly not getting interrogated by both of you.”
Crossing her arms, Trixie feigned a childish pout. “Are you going to show me or not?”
“You mean you didn’t already look?”
“No, I didn’t. I can respect your privacy.”
Mart snorted in disbelief.
“And besides, I wouldn’t let her,” Honey chimed in sweetly.
“Sally and I will probably come visit next weekend for Dan’s birthday and you can see it then. I’d like Sally to know about it first.”
“So it is an engagement ring!” Trixie burst out, her blue eyes sparkling. “Why are there five boxes?”
Ignoring her, Mart asked, “So, are you two going straight back to Albany? Please say yes.”
“Well, we called Jim on our way up and asked him if he wanted to go to lunch,” Honey answered, “but he went to the hospital to visit Renee on her lunch break. Maybe we can talk Hallie into going out with us.”
“You don’t want to go, do you?” Trixie asked impishly.
“No,” Mart returned with conviction. “I’ve got a few hours this afternoon for just me and Sally before the birthday dinner with her family tonight.”
“So you’re turning down quality time with your favorite sister and your favorite sister-in-law?”
Glaring at her, Mart said, “Get real. If I had ‘dropped in’ on you and Dan the day you got back from Virginia, would you have welcomed me with open arms or kicked me to the curb?”
“Point taken,” Trixie agreed with a chuckle.
“And clearly,” Mart continued, “Honey and Brian have been too busy lately to entertain spontaneous visitors.” He winked at Honey as she unconsciously put a hand on her stomach and giggled.
“All right then,” Trixie conceded. “Have a good time and call me to make plans for Dan’s birthday next weekend.”
After seeing them out, Mart hurried to the kitchen with his bag and laid the five small boxes on the counter, carefully opening and inspecting the contents of each one. It had been difficult for him to come up with the perfect birthday gift for Sally, but he was at last satisfied that he had struck gold. He chuckled under his breath. Well, silver anyway.
Now all he had to come up with was a poem, or poems, rather. He was no Keats, but his quirky combination of romanticism and love of big words worked … at least it did with Sally, and that was truly all that mattered.
He had finished two of the alliterative verses and was working on a third when a knock on the front door made him jump. Blast! She’s early – he checked the clock on the microwave – Way early. What on earth had possessed his always punctual girlfriend to show up an hour before their agreed meeting time? Sweeping the boxes and notepaper into the plastic bag from the jewelry store, he shoved the package into the designated junk drawer and hurried to answer the door as a second, more insistent knock rang out.
He had opened the windows that overlooked the front porch to let in the crisp spring breeze and as he approached the door, he called out, “Gleeps, Sal, you’re early! Couldn’t bear to be away from me, eh? Well, I’m gonna treat your hot bod to some lovin’ like you’ve never seen. It’s time to get into your birthday su– .”
He stopped his seduction speech short as he threw open the front door. The blue-eyed blond he encountered was not Sally. Several inches taller, several inches wider, and sporting a neatly trimmed mustache and goatee that only served to make him look more menacing, Simon Drake shot daggers at Mart with his brilliant blue eyes. He most assuredly had heard Mart’s statement about his sister.
Gulping audibly, Mart forced the grin to remain on his face as he greeted his future brother-in-law. “Simon. Didn’t know you were in town.”
“Obviously,” Simon snarled. His rich baritone voice bore a frightening similarity to a growling Rottweiler.
Mart stood stock still, thinking to himself, Don’t show any fear. They can smell fear.
“Mind if I come in?” Simon didn’t wait for an answer, but brushed past Mart into the front hallway. His electrifying gaze swept fleetingly across the area, taking in the cozy sitting room to the left and the as yet unfinished dining room just past it. A straight flight of stairs, carpeted in an earthy beige and flanked by a polished oak handrail, led to the second floor.
With a precise, military about-face, Simon turned and fixed his glare on Mart. An interminable moment of suffocating silence fell on the pair before he asked brusquely, “Do you have a few minutes … Martin?”
A few minutes to talk? Or a few minutes left to live? Mart wondered, but he nodded his head and gestured back toward the kitchen. As Simon stalked that way, Mart shut his eyes and shook his head wearily. Why the kitchen? There are knives in the kitchen. Think, Mart, think! He had no idea what had the youngest of the Brothers Grimm so irate, but he could probably pound Mart into the ground with one clenched fist. He was closest to Sally in age and, like Mart and Trixie, the two youngest Drake siblings were especially close. Simon’s current residency as a surgeon in New York City left him with precious little time to visit with his sister, but apparently – and unbeknownst to Mart – he had made the time to come and see her on her birthday.
“Sally’ll be here soon,” Mart said pointedly, hoping for some clemency from her brother. “I’m treating her to a special birthday lunch.”
“So I heard.”
Simon glared again – had he even really stopped glaring? – and Mart could practically feel beads of sweat popping out on his forehead. “Real soon,” he mumbled anxiously.
“I believe she said 12:30 when she and Mom left for church this morning. We’ve got plenty of time.” Finally, he smiled … if you could call it that. He looked kind of like a shark. And Mart’s legs were dangling tauntingly under the water in front of his razor-sharp teeth.
Taking the bull, er … the shark, by the horns, er … the fins, had worked the first time Simon had threatened him. Mart thought it best if he tried that tactic again. “You seem kind of upset, Simon. Is it something I did?”
Simon didn’t speak, but merely nodded slowly, his eyes a dark, menacing shade of blue.
Mart racked his brain, desperately trying to figure out what was going on in this little battle. A year ago, a few months after he and Sally had started dating, Simon had more or less threatened to disembowel him if he ever hurt his sister. Mart was certain he hadn’t, but Simon apparently thought otherwise. His low, even voice brought him out of his reverie. Each brief sentence was punctuated by an ominous pause that sent a shiver racing down Mart’s spine.
“I got into town very late last night. I stopped by the convenience store. Thought I’d pick up a sandwich, bag of chips, or something. Ran into an old schoolmate of mine.” Taking a step closer to Mart, he continued, “He mentioned Sally had been in just a few nights ago. Late at night. Just like me. She bought something a lady in her position might purchase on the sly. Late at night. When nobody else in the small town would be watching.”
Mart took a step back, but Simon just took another step forward. Had Sally bought condoms? Surely Simon knew he and Sally were … intimate. Mart’s brain raced back over the previous few days. He and Sally hadn’t really had any time to be alone, thanks to the week-long gathering of the Bob-Whites Plus at the school. Finally, Diana and Tad had begun the long drive back to Chicago Friday morning after breakfast. Trixie and Dan had left for Albany mid-afternoon, driving Honey’s car. Honey and Brian had stayed for dinner and Brian had dropped Honey off in Albany to spend – Brian and Honey!
Jerking his head up in sudden realization, Mart spurted, “Simon! Dude, you’ve got it all wrong.”
Taking another step forward and effectively pinning Mart against the refrigerator, Simon said, “I’ve got it all wrong? Try again, Belden. If you think I’m going to let you take advantage of my little sister, you’ve got another think coming.” Jabbing a finger in Mart’s chest, he added forcefully, “And don’t call me ‘Dude’.”
Mart shook his head speechlessly. He’d call him Dr. Drake if he asked. Wait a minute. Was he technically a doctor yet? Mart tried to remember what Brian had told him. Would he be “Dr. Belden” when he graduated? Or not until he finished his residency? He couldn’t remember, but one look into Simon’s scowling face and he realized it didn’t matter in the least. Mr. Drake, Dr. Drake, Lord and Master; however Simon wanted to be addressed, Mart would do it.
He tried to screw up some courage. Sally’s other brothers lived in and around Indian Lake and even though he still teasingly called them the Brothers Grimm, they had fully accepted Mart as a member of their family. Certainly Sally hadn’t given Simon any bad reports ... had she? But compared to last spring, when Simon had been deadly calm with his threats, this time he looked positively livid.
Taking a deep breath, Mart said slowly, “Simon, let me explain ... before anybody does anything ... rash.”
Instead of backing off, as Mart had hoped he’d do, Simon merely laid one hand flat on the fridge, very close to Mart’s neck, and said softly, “Please do explain. I’d love to hear why my baby sister is sneaking around in the middle of the night buying pregnancy tests and why you didn’t immediately offer to marry her. We may be creeping up on a new century, but my family is charmingly old-fashioned. So, tell me Mart, will you be making my poor, compromised sister an honest woman?”
“Uh, no,” Mart replied without thinking. Seeing Simon’s eyes narrow even more, he hastily added, “I mean, yes. But not now. After I finish school, like we planned. What I mean is, Sally’s not pregnant.”
“Oh, I see,” Simon said. The way he snarled it made Mart seriously doubt the man’s clarity of vision. “You can go on with your little self-centered life plan, because you dodged the bullet this time. But what happens the next time you sample the milk without buying the cow, so to speak?”
“There won’t be a next time,” Mart assured him. “I mean, there was no this time. I mean, obviously, I’ve sampled the milk –.” Crap.
Simon’s piercing glare shot right through Mart’s skull, out the back of his head, through the kitchen cabinets, the drywall, the insulation, the masonry, across the yard and probably took a few trees out before it finally lost its power somewhere in the Adirondacks.
“I don’t think Sally’s giving me free milk. I mean, I don’t think Sally’s a cow! I mean, Sally isn’t pregnant. She wasn’t pregnant. She didn’t think she was pregnant.”
“Don’t song-and-dance me, Belden. You don’t buy a pregnancy test for kicks. I’m a doctor, remember? I think I know a little bit about the birds and the bees.”
So he is Dr. Drake. Focus, Mart, focus.
“I suppose the next thing you’re going to try to pull on me is that she was buying the test for somebody else.”
Mart jerked his head up so fast, he was certain he’d just given himself whiplash. He nodded vigorously, but for some reason, couldn’t find the power of speech.
“Who? Your sister-in-law?”
Mart nodded again, managing to squeak out an astounded, “Ye – yes.”
There was a long moment of silence. Not quite silence. Mart could hear his heart beating wildly as he prayed Simon would believe him. After all, it wasn’t like Brian and Honey were right there to verify the story. Not the story, the truth. It was the truth.
Suddenly, a broad, relaxed grin spread across Simon’s face. “Yeah, I know. Congratulations, Uncle Mart.” He clapped his hand on Mart’s shoulder and with no further ado, gently pushed him aside so he could get into the refrigerator. After a moment’s perusal of the contents, he asked, “You don’t have any beer? Are you a teetotaler, Mart?”
Mart stood in stunned silence before mumbling, “Uh … no … no.”
Head still stuck in the fridge, Simon asked, “No to which, Belden?”
“Huh?”
Simon pulled a bottle of Snapple off the shelf. “Mango Madness, eh? Well, I guess it’s too early for a beer at that. This’ll do.”
Mart stared, mouth agape, at the refrigerator door. “Wha – what just happened here?”
Simon straightened up and popped open his bottle of Snapple, his blue eyes twinkling devilishly. Glancing down at the cap, he read, “‘Slugs have four noses.’ Did you know that?”
“No ... Seriously, what the hell is going on?”
Simon took a swig of his juice before answering. “Sally didn’t know I was coming up today. So she gave your brother my birthday present to give to me. My birthday is the day after tomorrow, you know.”
Probably born on Friday the 13th, Mart thought darkly.
“So I met up with Brian at the hospital yesterday and he told me Honey was expecting and that they found out thanks to Sally’s trip to the convenience store late Thursday night. Did you know I work at the same hospital where Brian’s doing his internship?”
It wasn’t as interesting as the slug trivia, but at least Mart knew this one. “Yeah. So, you knew Sally didn’t buy that pregnancy test for herself?”
Simon grinned and winked before taking another swallow of juice. “Just having a little fun with you, Mart. I know you have a great sense of humor, right? Sally’s told me ad nauseum how you’re always making her laugh. Way to go, tiger.” He gave Mart what was probably supposed to be a friendly punch on the shoulder, but Mart winced all the same.
“Hey, I can do more than make her laugh. I can – never mind.” He knew Simon was trying to lure him into a trap, and he was determined not to kiss and tell, certainly not in front of any of the Brothers Grimm. “If you’re done giving me a nervous breakdown, could you please go? I still have to finish getting Sally’s present ready.”
“Can I help?”
Mart was inclined to believe this was more mental torment, rather than a genuine offer of assistance. “No,” he said flatly.
“Did you get my sister slutty lingerie for her birthday?”
“No! It’s none of your business what I got her. You’ll find out at dinner tonight.”
“Did you get her an engagement ring?”
“Why does everybody keep asking me that?” Mart squawked. He was starting to have second thoughts about the gift.
“Don’t blow a gasket, Mart. I’m sure whatever you got my sister, she’ll love.”
Mart took a calming breath. “Really?”
“Really. Despite all my frank opinions about your questionable intellect and moral character, she seems to be madly in love with you. And I can assure you I’ve never seen her madly in love with anyone.”
Mart ignored the facetious insult and focused on the “madly in love” part of Simon’s statement. “Really?” he asked again, a sloppy grin breaking across his face.
“Well, except for Ricky Schroeder, but that was a long time ago and I don’t think he’s available anymore.”
Mart felt a sudden poetic inspiration and hurried to the junk drawer to pull out the bag from the jewelry store. He dug into it for his notepad and pen and began writing a new verse.
Simon peeked into the bag. “You got her five engagement rings?”
Feeling a confidence stemming from the powerful forces of love, Mart slammed his hand down over the opening and snarled teasingly, “Beat it, Dr. Drake. I’ve got poetry to write.”
Simon grinned. “All right, Shakespeare, but if Sally comes to dinner without a ring and isn’t happy about it, my brothers and I will take great delight in slowly and painfully killing you.”
Mart nodded, only half listening as he quickly scribbled his love note. As Simon turned to go, his words finally got through to Mart’s brain. Snapping his head up, he asked, “Does anybody else know about that pregnancy test?”
Simon shrugged carelessly. “Word travels fast in a small town; you ought to know that, Mr. Sleepyside.”
“All right, let me rephrase. Is anybody else in Indian Lake as psychopathically sadistic as you and your brothers?”
Simon disappeared down the hallway, calling behind him, “I think you’re probably safe from the rest of the population. See you tonight.”
***
It wasn’t long after that that Mart heard a heavy pounding on the front door. Warily, he went to answer it, wondering how anybody could possibly be feeling so angry on such a beautiful spring day.
He opened the door just as Sam, Sally’s oldest brother, pounded again, narrowly missing the opportunity to pound on Mart’s head. “Mart Belden, you’re dead meat,” he growled.
“What the heck did I do now?” Mart asked, standing his ground a bit more than he had with Simon. If Simon knew about the pregnancy test that actually belonged to Honey, so did the rest of the Brothers Grimm. This had to be about something else.
“Now? You mean you’ve done something else to break my little sister’s heart?”
The glare in Sam’s eyes was intense enough to make Mart take a step back. “Something else? I haven’t broken her heart. Why? What is it you think I did?” He was starting to get a little impatient with the Drake boys, but was too afraid of being stomped into doggie kibble to show it.
Slamming the door behind them, Sam snarled, “Let’s talk about this pregnancy test, this non-engagement ring birthday gift, and the way you’ve been toying with Sally all this time.”
Quickly trying to stem off the Samish Inquisition, Mart hastily blurted, “Wait a minute. Haven’t you talked to Simon today?”
“Simon? What’s Simon got to do with this?”
“Didn’t you know he’s in town? He came to see me this morning.” Mart beat a hasty retreat to the kitchen, once again wondering why he kept pointing Drakes toward knives.
“And you’re still alive?”
“Yes, I explained everything to him. Actually, he was yanking my chain the whole time.”
“That’s not the only thing that’s gonna get yanked if you don’t start explaining yourself, Belden.”
Blockading his yankable body parts behind the kitchen counter, Mart held up his hands in defeat. “Okay, okay. What is it you want to know? Sally’ll be here soon and I think finding me missing a body part isn’t going to be the best birthday she’s ever had.”
“Which body part would that be, Belden?” Sam asked, his eyes darkening dangerously.
Mart rubbed one hand miserably over his face. He wasn’t sure he was up to this, and Sally had two more brothers. Didn’t these guys communicate with each other? Maybe it would be easier if he just let one of them kill him. Except that he truly did love Sally … loved her enough to face the risk of death by Drake.
With an agonized groan, he dropped his hand to the counter with a sharp slap. “Listen, Samuel, you know damn well I’d never purposely do any harm to your sister. I love her and if she was pregnant, I would marry her in a heartbeat, if that’s what she wanted. But I’m not going to be bullied into doing something that neither of us is ready for. My birthday gift for her is personal and whether or not she wants to show it to you is her business. I happen to think it’s charming and original and I think Sally will agree. If, by chance, she doesn’t like it, that’ll be between her and me. She’s a grown woman, and as much as she loves each and every one of her deranged brothers – for reasons I can’t comprehend – she is fully capable of taking care of herself. In fact, she’s fully capable of meting out any punishment she deems I am due for whatever offense I should happen to give her. So, if you would be so kind as to get out of here before she arrives, so that I can have time to compose myself – and my poems – before she sees the distress on my face from having had to deal with not one, but two of the Brothers Grimm before lunchtime on a beautifully spring Sunday morning, I would appreciate it. And please, please have Simon tell you and Shawn and Seth the whole pregnancy test story so that I don’t have to go through this type of stroke-inducing situation twice more.”
Taking a deep breath after his hurried spiel, he gritted his teeth and hoped he’d still have them all in the next few minutes.
“You sure talk a lot, you know that?” Sam said with a chuckle. “How does Sally get a word in edgewise?” He turned and opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of Snapple. “Kiwi Strawberry. Mart, it takes a real man to drink such a pink juice.”
Mart was experiencing a very strong moment of déjà vu. “Huh?”
Twisting off the lid, Sam read, “‘Apples, peaches, and raspberries are all members of the rose family.’ Of course, giving your girl a dozen raspberries for Valentine’s Day doesn’t have quite the same panache to it, does it?”
Mart’s eyes narrowed as he observed the suddenly cool and collected man in front of him. “You knew about the pregnancy test. Simon told you.”
Sam grinned and nodded as he took a swig of juice.
“So, can I expect two more visits before Sally gets here?”
“Nah. We knew we could con you once, we thought maybe we could do it twice, but you’re a pretty smart guy, Belden. We figured that sooner or later, you’d catch on. So Shawn and Seth and I drew straws to see who would get to torment you this time.”
“Nice. I suppose they’re waiting outside?”
“No, they’re up in front of the school in Shawn’s truck, Simon too. I’m wearing a wire.”
“Excuse me?”
“One of the advantages of belonging to the police department, even if it is pretty small town. In fact, I’m not sure we’ve ever used this wire, or why we even have it. But it sure came in handy today.” Sam pulled open his jacket to reveal the electronic bugging device that connected him to his brothers.
Mart stalked over and leaned close to the tiny microphone. “I hate all of you, you know that, right? And when Sally and I do get married, none of you get to be groomsmen. In fact, you aren’t even invited to the wedding!”
Sam laughed loudly and clapped his meaty paws down on Mart’s shoulders so quickly and vigorously that Mart’s knees nearly buckled from the pressure. “We like having you as a little almost brother, Mart. No harm done, right?”
“Yeah,” Mart grumbled. “Other than making my yankable parts shrivel up into total ineffectiveness.”
“Well, that was merely a bonus. I was content with seeing the sheer look of terror on your face when I came in the door.”
“Great. So when I’m unable to oblige Sally with nieces and nephews for her brothers, I’ll know who to blame.”
Sam waved as he headed toward the front door. “We’ll see you tonight at dinner, Belden. I’ll try to have the audio tapes ready by then for the evening’s entertainment.”
Mart simply leaned over the counter and banged his head against it.
***
Luckily for Mart, Sally’s sunshiny arrival about twenty minutes later was all he needed to improve his mood a hundredfold. He was waiting on the front porch for her when she arrived, her shining eyes and cheery smile producing far more enjoyable palpitations in his chest than her brothers ever could.
“Hi, handsome.”
Mart didn’t reply verbally, but simply waved and smiled from his perch on the railing. Sally’s gaze was focused on him, but he turned away and faced the front door to draw her attention that way.
“What’s that?” she asked.
Mart gestured for her to take the folded piece of paper down from where it was taped on the door.
Warily, she did, casting a furtive glance at Mart as she unfolded the page. Feeling a bit like Marcel Marceau, Mart pantomimed that she should read it out loud.
“Salutations, sweet Sally!
Slip a smile on it.
Sneak inside our snug shelter
To spot your second sonnet.”
With a teasing smile she said, “Sonnet? You call this a sonnet? Don’t give up your day job.”
Mart poked the note to indicate she should continue reading.
“‘Do not – I repeat – do not open your gift yet.’ What gi–?” She brought her eyes back up to Mart, where he was holding out one tiny, black box to her.
“Mart...”
Mart laid his fingers across her lips to still any protests or nervousness she might possibly voice. He firmly pushed the box into her hand, then made a sweeping gesture toward the front door.
With a cautious smile, she opened the door and stepped into the entranceway, immediately spotting the next note, which was anchored under a second little black box on the banister’s flat-topped bottom newel.
Mart gently pushed her forward a few steps and watched as she picked up the box and inspected it carefully without opening it before turning to the handwritten message that accompanied it.
“Always amorous angel,
Ascertain the accurate code.
Advance along the anteroom
To the aft area of our abode.”
Like the first note’s S’s, each A was written with a bright red marker in a much larger hand than the rest of the note.
She was chewing her lip anxiously, but Mart could see her blue eyes twinkling as she started to get into the game. With his hands gently massaging her shoulders, he followed her down the hallway, through the kitchen and breakfast nook, to the large family room that spanned the rear of the house with several large windows to let in light and allow the occupants to enjoy the mountain vista. Hanging over the edge of the fireplace on the right wall was Sally’s next message and her next little black box.
“Lovely lady, do not lie low
Here on the lower story,
But leave lickety-split
For the latrine – luxurious lavatory.”
She giggled as she saw he had crossed out the last word and replaced it with “luxurious lavatory”. “You have such a way with words, Mart.”
She made her way back to the stairway and with Mart close on her heels went upstairs to the master bathroom. There, sitting squarely in the middle of the greenhouse windows that surrounded the whirlpool tub, she found another note and box number four.
“Lay, lady, lay.
Luncheon can linger for some minutes few,
While your libidinous lover lavishes
Lagniappes and longing lips on you.”
Her cheeks were a bright pink as she returned to the bedroom and pulled back the bedcovers to reveal a final note and box number five.
Mart flopped down on the bed behind her, pulled up the back of her shirt, and brushed his lips across the small of her back as she read her last love poem from him.
“Yes, you are yummy and … Yowza!
Yentas might yap, youthful yens might be for yore,
But YOU are mine …
Yalways and yorevermore.”
Mart wrapped his body around hers until he could see her looking down at him. She had that imperious look teachers give their students when they’ve mangled the English language, completely spoiled by a smile she was trying fruitlessly to suppress.
“Yalways and yorevermore?”
“Hey, Y’s are hard,” Mart protested.
“So, can I open my lagniappes now?” When Mart nodded his adoring assent, she asked, “Is there a particular order I should open them in?”
Mart glanced down at the boxes in her hands. “Oops.”
“Oops?”
“Yes, they’re supposed to be opened in the order you picked them up, but I kind of got distracted and forgot to pay attention. Did you pay attention?”
“Sorry. All I know is these were the first three,” Sally said, laughing as she held up her left hand.
“Well, give it a guess then. It’ll be like a puzzle.”
Sally lined up the boxes and opened the first one to discover a small, silver rectangular charm with an “L” on it, and a tiny “2” in the bottom right corner. Her eyes twinkling merrily, in what Mart was certain was a correct assumption on her part, she quickly opened the other four boxes. Then, feigning a look of confusion, she turned to Mart and said, “Lasly?”
Mart tickled her in the ribs and rearranged the boxes. “No, goofball. Sally.”
“In Scrabble letters,” Sally said with a delighted giggle. “Mart, it’s perfect!”
Indeed, a second “L” with a tiny “2” on it was joined by an “A” (one point), an “S” (one point), and a “Y” (four points).
“You’re worth ten points in Scrabble,” Mart said, “but you’re worth way more than that to me.”
“Aww, Mart,” Sally said with an exaggerated swoon of happiness. “You’re so romantic.”
“You don’t think it’s cheesy?”
“No,” Sally assured him. “The Magic 8 Ball table is cheesy. This is very, very sweet. I love it and I love you.”
Mart pulled a silver chain out of his pocket and strung the charms on it – in the right order – and clasped it around Sally’s neck. “Do you really like it?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Well, the Brothers Grimm were convinced that you were expecting an engagement ring for your birthday and that you’d be disappointed with anything else.”
“I wasn’t expecting a ring and I’m not at all disappointed. How did my brothers find out about it anyway?”
“I’ll tell you about it over lunch.” Making a face, he added, “Although there’ll probably be a slideshow presentation at dinner tonight.”
“What did they do now?” Sally asked, her tone as suspicious as the dark glare in her eyes.
“Let’s just say that the lesson for today, Miss Drake, is that karma likes to kick your ass when you least expect it.”
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Author's Notes
Chapter 21 (5,763 words)
Thanks, as always, to my wonderful editors and friends, Annette and Heather!
This story was inspired by a comment GenE made during The Secret Sits, wondering how the Drake brothers would react to the small-town gossip that their sister had purchased a pregnancy test (for Honey).
Mart purchased the Magic 8 Ball table for himself in The Secret Sits (first being mentioned in Part 12 and later making its first appearance in Part 14) and Mart is making Dan his personal slave for reasons explained in TSS (Part 10).
Snapple is not mine. I don't even drink it, and I'm certainly not making any profit by its appearance here in this story. And for anyone else who doesn't drink it, they really do have little bits of trivia on their caps. The two noted here are actual Snapple trivia I got from their website. Scrabble isn't mine either, but hey, three letters' difference. Cool. And you really can buy individual Scrabble tile letters in sterling silver.
Ricky
Schroeder was the child heartthrob of Silver Spoons.